Stefancos

The Ginger Man Blog

349 posts in this topic

Been there done that, got the t-shirt, lived the 2 month misery.

For me it was a little easier in terms of the relationship because I was on business trip in South Korea spending 14 hour days helping our branch get set up there. Didn't have time to think as often about missing her as she did with me. And it was still a bitch. On the bright side she flew over and stayed there for the last 10 days of it exploring Seoul while I was at work.

All I can say is keep busy and moderate depressants like alcohol, they'll do you more harm than good in a sad mental state. :P

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I don't know all the details of what's going on, but I've been there, too, and I know it sucks. You can get through this, Steef. (I'm with Blume and Mark on the alcohol, BTW.)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

If you're lucky enough to find the toilet. The smell of vomit in the mattress, carpet, curtains, and keyboard...that will not fade as quickly.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

So did The Producers, Family Guy, South Park, and a long line of YouTube videos that parody footage from Der Untergang (Downfall) about everything from the latest meme to sports collapses.

Blume's latest caption contest is neither original nor unique in the long line of internet comedy that uses Hitler as a central theme.

Still funny.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

This too shall pass.

2 months and 10 days?

This 'too' shall pass.

Make good use of the intermission :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Like eating Matzos with ham is a subconscious rejection of my Jewish ancestry.

Quite a revealing blog this is,Stefan :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Gotta be honest, Steef, you sound totally fucked up. Almost depressive...

You need something to take your mind off of her.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Like what? What can possibly take a man's mind off a distant love when he's already admitted that p0rn won't cut it, who's getting support to the point of "don't drink your heartaches away?"

Do you have the time

To listen to me whine

About nothing and everything

All at once

I am one of those

Melodramatic fools

Neurotic to the bone

No doubt about it

I went to a shrink

To analyze my dreams

She says it's lack of sex

That's bringing me down

I went to a whore

Who said my life's a bore

So quit my whining cause

It's bringing her down

Whining on the internet is great free therapy.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Alcohol when administered at the correct time and in the right dose allows for a clarity of vision when one is lacking it.

I started drinking at age 29 to forget when a former relationship was revealed to me as never been anything but a hollow lie, a pestilent sore feeding itself exclusively on me. It did not make me forget, it allowed me to strip away all the lies excuses and misconceptions that I put in my own head.

There is nothing wrong with getting blind drunk every now and then, if you stay indoors.

The smell of vomit in the toilet will fade, the headache and nausea will pass.

Spoken like the wisest of drunks.

Also, I think saying things like "You can get through this" or "Hang in there" is not unlike telling a man who has just broken his leg that "Eh, it'll heal. You'll see." While it maybe nice to be reminded, it does nothing for the sufferer's immediate future.

If I were to say something to Steef, other than a joke which I guess would be more useful right now, it would be to not deny the situation you are in (which is easy to do, either by numbing yourself in excess to clinging to its conclusion). That will blind you from the advantages it may have to offer. (And those advantages exist, even if they are not what you feel you need right now.)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Well since I'm not there to slap him and tell him to act like he's got a pair I have to come up with something else.

The best advice, based on experience, is to tell him to hang in there and yes, he will get through this. there's nothing one can say or do to make it any better.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hey I told him it's a bitch and to keep busy. I said nothing comforting.

:P

Basically it'll go down like this...you feel sorry for yourself, you'll start wondering if she's a fan of German sausage, and then you soon find the rhythm and relax a little. You begin to enjoy the time you have for yourself. And you'll probably finish the ordeal off with some crazy great shall we call it...leitmotif when she gets back.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Even better: Absence helps the brain to do critical thinking. Which is one the healthiest things one can do in life. Nothing more reaffirming than a man questioning his own feelings and rediscovering why he had them in the first place.

It's one of the advantages I was alluding to before.

Tom, who is Ender, who is Ross, who is Elmo Lewis. Despite your many names you have always been who you are in the flesh.

Thank you.

Hey, speaking for all those people: We are, and always have been, your friend.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My bad on the "you can get through this"...

Oh, wait, that's kind of a pleasantry, too. Forget I said anything at all.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Better to wallow now in solitude then at some time when it is less timely.

Down times have a profound deep beauty of their own when savoured to their very depths.

Landscapes are enriched with an interesting cast of light when dark heavy clouds pass by.

Wallow in those patterns on the landscape by all means. They are a deep cleansing soak.

Overlays of grinding,scratching mental commentary drama? Best not get enthralled by it.

One is beautifully enriching,recharging and re-aligning. The other can tarnish your vacation.

Anyway, to wallow in...........

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Alcohol when administered at the correct time and in the right dose allows for a clarity of vision when one is lacking it.

I started drinking at age 29 to forget when a former relationship was revealed to me as never been anything but a hollow lie, a pestilent sore feeding itself exclusively on me. It did not make me forget, it allowed me to strip away all the lies excuses and misconceptions that I put in my own head.

There is nothing wrong with getting blind drunk every now and then, if you stay indoors.

The smell of vomit in the toilet will fade, the headache and nausea will pass.

You started drinking after I quit. But drinking when your living alone is not a good idea, I'll tell you this. Things can go downhill pretty quickly

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Yeah for fun, not to cover some deep emotional scars or forget a heartbreak

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Unless I've read this wrong, she'll be returning in 2 months and 10 days yes? Enjoy your own carefree space again during that time,I say.

Naturally it will feel very different in private and public life all of a sudden. When relationships suddenly 'end' yeah most of us are sent reeling back to our primal wounds for a certain amount of time as our various constructs to stay well away from that primal wound have suddenly collapsed before we had time to put a buffer in place. Understandable in that scenario, and even understandable to a degree when a partner is going to be away for a while (as in your case). But if you know she's coming back and know 'when' she's coming back, is it a cause to alcohol yourself blotto? Unless you're perhaps worried that she 'won't' come back? Or are concerned that she's going to play away, while away? Are there suspicions you have, that you haven't informed us of yet Stefan? :mellow:

Maybe it won't be the best idea to keep in contact with her constantly during her absence? Doing so will only continually keep you looking back, and you'll not enjoy your own space.

I've been assuming of course that some kind of advice or suggestions are being sought here, and assumption is sometimes the mother of all *********.

If the blog writings are here just to be shared and read, I'm happy to leave it at that.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

That's the advantage of only having had short-term relationships like I have. I've never really felt the need to miss intensely.

That being said, occasional absence from one's loved one would be crucial to me! I need space. I would go mad if we would constantly walk on top of each other. But we're all different that way.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Better to wallow now in solitude then at some time when it is less timely.

Down times have a profound deep beauty of their own when savoured to their very depths.

Landscapes are enriched with an interesting cast of light when dark heavy clouds pass by.

Wallow in those patterns on the landscape by all means. They are a deep cleansing soak.

Overlays of grinding,scratching mental commentary drama? Best not get enthralled by it.

One is beautifully enriching,recharging and re-aligning. The other can tarnish your vacation.

Anyway, to wallow in...........

Romanticized notions aside, the best part of wallowing in misery is that you get tired of it much faster than you'd think and then you can move on to something else in a more organic way than just by ignoring or suppressing the misery.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

That's the advantage of only having had short-term relationships like I have. I've never really felt the need to miss intensely.

Me too. Like you,I need my own space sooner or later. At times I've even lived in commune settings, working and living with the same people 24 hours, day after day, and enjoyed what that kind of living arrangement can make. But sooner or later I miss the total freedom of being spontaneous and leaving the day wide open to whims, and I move on. When it comes to Women, perhaps the longest partnership I've had was just over a year for that reason. We both mutually ended it amicably. But it was definately due to her erecting fences around me to appease her fears about me losing interest, and me seeing what was going on there only 'made' me distant and lose interest LOL. Both only helped to doom the carefree, laid back and playfull partnership we once had.

Oh, and that's a script familiar to many guys of course. Nothing unusual there. It seems that some animals are just wilder than others and don't adjust to captivity well :lol:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Better to wallow now in solitude then at some time when it is less timely.

Down times have a profound deep beauty of their own when savoured to their very depths.

Landscapes are enriched with an interesting cast of light when dark heavy clouds pass by.

Wallow in those patterns on the landscape by all means. They are a deep cleansing soak.

Overlays of grinding,scratching mental commentary drama? Best not get enthralled by it.

One is beautifully enriching,recharging and re-aligning. The other can tarnish your vacation.

Anyway, to wallow in...........

Romanticized notions aside, the best part of wallowing in misery is that you get tired of it much faster than you'd think and then you can move on to something else in a more organic way than just by ignoring or suppressing the misery.

Eh, that's assuming you are willing to recognize it and get out of it. It's all about capacity to do so. You don't just get tired of it, you have to choose get tired of it. Otherwise the road from mild to moderate depression is just positive feedback loop of hormones away. :P

Steef go out and do something good for someone. Go visit your mom. Take her out to dinner. A blog and a forum are no substitute for a real person sitting across from you listening.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Eh, that's assuming you are willing to recognize it and get out of it.

Agreed. It's a tight rope walk. And yes, capacity too. Without it, it's easy to become swamped and not see the woods for the trees.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Like what? What can possibly take a man's mind off a distant love when he's already admitted that p0rn won't cut it, who's getting support to the point of "don't drink your heartaches away?"

What did Spielberg do when he was away from Amy Irving or Kate Capshaw for months on end? He focused on his career, doing movies.

Steef should focus on his career (whatever it is). That's how men survive.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Steef should focus on his career (whatever it is). That's how men survive.

I don't have one you daft cock! Can't you read?

Then find yourself one already! Or are you so weak and inefficient?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.