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John Williams: The Birthday Card


Charlie Brigden

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I was in Asda yesterday looking for a card for my sister's birthday. I picked up a card with Superman on the front and when I opened it a little speaker blasted out the John Williams theme. It even has the credit for JW on the back.

Maybe this could be the start of a new line. You could have a congratulations card that plays Ewok Celebration, or a sorry you're leaving card that plays the end of Adventures on Earth, or a condolences card that plays Ben's Death.

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You're right, dialogue is much more appropriate.

"That's no way for a man to die. A parachute not opening... that's a way to die. Getting caught in the gears of a combine... having your nuts bit off by a Laplander, that's the way I wanna go!"

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They used that awful version of the main title by what's his face in the card. Seriously failure, nearing EPIC.

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At least they're consistent, which is something you usually can't say for Star Wars.

*pictures someone writing letter complaining about card*

Dear George,

I find it very disappointing that you, like Lando Calrissian to Han Solo on the gas giant of Bespin, have betrayed myself and thousands of other Star Wars fans who also have birthdays by including Kevin Kiner's "Main Title from The Clone Wars" in the card I received from my parents yesterday. While I agree my parents were thoughtless in the first place (who gets a forty-two year old man a CLONE WARS card?!), the disgusting fact that you PERSONALLY decided to include the aforementioned case of musical rape in the rightful place of John Williams and the London Symphony Orchestra's "Main Title From Star Wars" (© 1977 Fox Fanfare Music) is another kick in the tauntauns after your sickening idiocy in not releasing the original unaltered trilogy on blu-ray. As of this day, I will no longer be purchasing anything with the Star Wars logo on ever again, at least until this abhorrent mistake is reversed.

MTFBWY,

P.S. Okay I might change my mind if you release a Slave Leia action figure with removable bikini.

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They used that awful version of the main title by what's his face in the card. Seriously failure, nearing EPIC.

I composed it. seriously, I'm Kevin stinking Kiner!

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They used that awful version of the main title by what's his face in the card. Seriously failure, nearing EPIC.

I composed it. seriously, I'm Kevin stinking Kiner!

You mean you arranged it. It is still awful. So yes, there you have it.
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Hehe. When I first heard the Kevin Kiner's re-arrangement, I died inside...what an absolutely horrid interpretation...

If anything, that piece is actually an excellent model for composing students...if you want to teach them how to destroy a classic theme :)

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