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#1 Stefancos

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Posted 20 June 2011 - 01:45 PM

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#2 guest

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Posted 20 June 2011 - 01:50 PM

Take it and skip the bottle.


Hang in there.

#3 Stefancos

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Posted 20 June 2011 - 01:52 PM

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#4 Blumen Cohlsman

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Posted 20 June 2011 - 04:22 PM

Been there done that, got the t-shirt, lived the 2 month misery.

For me it was a little easier in terms of the relationship because I was on business trip in South Korea spending 14 hour days helping our branch get set up there. Didn't have time to think as often about missing her as she did with me. And it was still a bitch. On the bright side she flew over and stayed there for the last 10 days of it exploring Seoul while I was at work.

All I can say is keep busy and moderate depressants like alcohol, they'll do you more harm than good in a sad mental state. :P

#5 Datameister

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Posted 20 June 2011 - 04:54 PM

I don't know all the details of what's going on, but I've been there, too, and I know it sucks. You can get through this, Steef. (I'm with Blume and Mark on the alcohol, BTW.)

#6 Alexcremers

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Posted 20 June 2011 - 05:01 PM

Sounds like true love, Steef! That's a good thing and nothing to be sad about.




Alex
"The film that really struck me was Ridley Scott's 'Blade Runner.' That was a film I watched many, many times and found endlessly fascinating in its density. But I think the density of that film is primarily visual density and atmospheric and sound density, more so than narrative density. But, yeah, I think for a lot of filmmakers particularly, there will be a film like that in their past that they've really become a little obsessed with and seen too many times, or more times than seems healthy." - Christopher Nolan

#7 Stefancos

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Posted 20 June 2011 - 06:07 PM

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#8 Wojo

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Posted 20 June 2011 - 06:17 PM

If you're lucky enough to find the toilet. The smell of vomit in the mattress, carpet, curtains, and keyboard...that will not fade as quickly.

#9 Stefancos

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Posted 20 June 2011 - 06:19 PM

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#10 Blumen Cohlsman

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Posted 20 June 2011 - 06:28 PM

Ok.

#11 Wojo

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Posted 20 June 2011 - 06:39 PM

So did The Producers, Family Guy, South Park, and a long line of YouTube videos that parody footage from Der Untergang (Downfall) about everything from the latest meme to sports collapses.

Blume's latest caption contest is neither original nor unique in the long line of internet comedy that uses Hitler as a central theme.

Still funny.

Edited by Wojo, 20 June 2011 - 07:34 PM.


#12 Stefancos

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Posted 20 June 2011 - 07:04 PM

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#13 Melange

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Posted 20 June 2011 - 10:14 PM

This too shall pass.

2 months and 10 days?

This 'too' shall pass.

Make good use of the intermission :)



#14 Stefancos

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Posted 21 June 2011 - 11:38 AM

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#15 Melange

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Posted 21 June 2011 - 01:20 PM

Like eating Matzos with ham is a subconscious rejection of my Jewish ancestry.


Quite a revealing blog this is,Stefan :)

#16 Josh500

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Posted 21 June 2011 - 01:44 PM

Gotta be honest, Steef, you sound totally fucked up. Almost depressive...

You need something to take your mind off of her.

#17 Wojo

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Posted 21 June 2011 - 01:50 PM

Like what? What can possibly take a man's mind off a distant love when he's already admitted that p0rn won't cut it, who's getting support to the point of "don't drink your heartaches away?"

Do you have the time
To listen to me whine
About nothing and everything
All at once
I am one of those
Melodramatic fools
Neurotic to the bone
No doubt about it

I went to a shrink
To analyze my dreams
She says it's lack of sex
That's bringing me down
I went to a whore
Who said my life's a bore
So quit my whining cause
It's bringing her down


Whining on the internet is great free therapy.

#18 Elmo Lewis

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Posted 21 June 2011 - 01:53 PM

Alcohol when administered at the correct time and in the right dose allows for a clarity of vision when one is lacking it.
I started drinking at age 29 to forget when a former relationship was revealed to me as never been anything but a hollow lie, a pestilent sore feeding itself exclusively on me. It did not make me forget, it allowed me to strip away all the lies excuses and misconceptions that I put in my own head.

There is nothing wrong with getting blind drunk every now and then, if you stay indoors.
The smell of vomit in the toilet will fade, the headache and nausea will pass.


Spoken like the wisest of drunks.

Also, I think saying things like "You can get through this" or "Hang in there" is not unlike telling a man who has just broken his leg that "Eh, it'll heal. You'll see." While it maybe nice to be reminded, it does nothing for the sufferer's immediate future.

If I were to say something to Steef, other than a joke which I guess would be more useful right now, it would be to not deny the situation you are in (which is easy to do, either by numbing yourself in excess to clinging to its conclusion). That will blind you from the advantages it may have to offer. (And those advantages exist, even if they are not what you feel you need right now.)
"We’re flawed because we want so much more. We’re ruined because we get these things and wish for what we had."

#19 Stefancos

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Posted 21 June 2011 - 02:23 PM

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#20 guest

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Posted 21 June 2011 - 02:24 PM

Well since I'm not there to slap him and tell him to act like he's got a pair I have to come up with something else.


The best advice, based on experience, is to tell him to hang in there and yes, he will get through this. there's nothing one can say or do to make it any better.

#21 Blumen Cohlsman

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Posted 21 June 2011 - 02:30 PM

Hey I told him it's a bitch and to keep busy. I said nothing comforting.

:P

Basically it'll go down like this...you feel sorry for yourself, you'll start wondering if she's a fan of German sausage, and then you soon find the rhythm and relax a little. You begin to enjoy the time you have for yourself. And you'll probably finish the ordeal off with some crazy great shall we call it...leitmotif when she gets back.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

#22 Elmo Lewis

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Posted 21 June 2011 - 03:03 PM

Even better: Absence helps the brain to do critical thinking. Which is one the healthiest things one can do in life. Nothing more reaffirming than a man questioning his own feelings and rediscovering why he had them in the first place.

It's one of the advantages I was alluding to before.

Tom, who is Ender, who is Ross, who is Elmo Lewis. Despite your many names you have always been who you are in the flesh.

Thank you.


Hey, speaking for all those people: We are, and always have been, your friend.
"We’re flawed because we want so much more. We’re ruined because we get these things and wish for what we had."

#23 Datameister

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Posted 21 June 2011 - 04:39 PM

My bad on the "you can get through this"...

Oh, wait, that's kind of a pleasantry, too. Forget I said anything at all.

#24 Melange

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Posted 21 June 2011 - 09:11 PM

Better to wallow now in solitude then at some time when it is less timely.

Down times have a profound deep beauty of their own when savoured to their very depths.
Landscapes are enriched with an interesting cast of light when dark heavy clouds pass by.
Wallow in those patterns on the landscape by all means. They are a deep cleansing soak.
Overlays of grinding,scratching mental commentary drama? Best not get enthralled by it.

One is beautifully enriching,recharging and re-aligning. The other can tarnish your vacation.

Anyway, to wallow in...........

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AB4m885sTeE

#25 Stefancos

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Posted 21 June 2011 - 10:36 PM

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#26 Koray Savas

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Posted 22 June 2011 - 12:09 AM

You're watching softcore. Try the internet!
"Close Encounters to me is as good a piece of concert music as the 20th century has produced. Everybody fixates on... the Superman fanfare, or Star Wars - Main Theme, or the Raiders March. It's what happens after that, it's not the big popular hook where you go: 'My God John Williams is a genius.' Y'know it's the stuff which is maybe less hooky and less hummable, but is great art." - Hans Zimmer

#27 king mark

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Posted 22 June 2011 - 02:52 AM

Alcohol when administered at the correct time and in the right dose allows for a clarity of vision when one is lacking it.
I started drinking at age 29 to forget when a former relationship was revealed to me as never been anything but a hollow lie, a pestilent sore feeding itself exclusively on me. It did not make me forget, it allowed me to strip away all the lies excuses and misconceptions that I put in my own head.

There is nothing wrong with getting blind drunk every now and then, if you stay indoors.
The smell of vomit in the toilet will fade, the headache and nausea will pass.


You started drinking after I quit. But drinking when your living alone is not a good idea, I'll tell you this. Things can go downhill pretty quickly

#28 Koray Savas

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Posted 22 June 2011 - 05:07 AM

Depends how much he's drinking. I see nothing wrong with a couple beers or glass of wine every night.
"Close Encounters to me is as good a piece of concert music as the 20th century has produced. Everybody fixates on... the Superman fanfare, or Star Wars - Main Theme, or the Raiders March. It's what happens after that, it's not the big popular hook where you go: 'My God John Williams is a genius.' Y'know it's the stuff which is maybe less hooky and less hummable, but is great art." - Hans Zimmer

#29 king mark

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Posted 22 June 2011 - 05:32 AM

Yeah for fun, not to cover some deep emotional scars or forget a heartbreak

#30 Koray Savas

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Posted 22 June 2011 - 08:04 AM

Honestly, I'd probably do the same.
"Close Encounters to me is as good a piece of concert music as the 20th century has produced. Everybody fixates on... the Superman fanfare, or Star Wars - Main Theme, or the Raiders March. It's what happens after that, it's not the big popular hook where you go: 'My God John Williams is a genius.' Y'know it's the stuff which is maybe less hooky and less hummable, but is great art." - Hans Zimmer

#31 Melange

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Posted 22 June 2011 - 09:31 AM

Unless I've read this wrong, she'll be returning in 2 months and 10 days yes? Enjoy your own carefree space again during that time,I say.

Naturally it will feel very different in private and public life all of a sudden. When relationships suddenly 'end' yeah most of us are sent reeling back to our primal wounds for a certain amount of time as our various constructs to stay well away from that primal wound have suddenly collapsed before we had time to put a buffer in place. Understandable in that scenario, and even understandable to a degree when a partner is going to be away for a while (as in your case). But if you know she's coming back and know 'when' she's coming back, is it a cause to alcohol yourself blotto? Unless you're perhaps worried that she 'won't' come back? Or are concerned that she's going to play away, while away? Are there suspicions you have, that you haven't informed us of yet Stefan? :mellow:

Maybe it won't be the best idea to keep in contact with her constantly during her absence? Doing so will only continually keep you looking back, and you'll not enjoy your own space.

I've been assuming of course that some kind of advice or suggestions are being sought here, and assumption is sometimes the mother of all *********.

If the blog writings are here just to be shared and read, I'm happy to leave it at that.

#32 Thor

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Posted 22 June 2011 - 11:03 AM

That's the advantage of only having had short-term relationships like I have. I've never really felt the need to miss intensely.

That being said, occasional absence from one's loved one would be crucial to me! I need space. I would go mad if we would constantly walk on top of each other. But we're all different that way.

#33 Elmo Lewis

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Posted 22 June 2011 - 11:30 AM

Better to wallow now in solitude then at some time when it is less timely.

Down times have a profound deep beauty of their own when savoured to their very depths.
Landscapes are enriched with an interesting cast of light when dark heavy clouds pass by.
Wallow in those patterns on the landscape by all means. They are a deep cleansing soak.
Overlays of grinding,scratching mental commentary drama? Best not get enthralled by it.

One is beautifully enriching,recharging and re-aligning. The other can tarnish your vacation.

Anyway, to wallow in...........

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AB4m885sTeE


Romanticized notions aside, the best part of wallowing in misery is that you get tired of it much faster than you'd think and then you can move on to something else in a more organic way than just by ignoring or suppressing the misery.
"We’re flawed because we want so much more. We’re ruined because we get these things and wish for what we had."

#34 Melange

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Posted 22 June 2011 - 11:37 AM

That's the advantage of only having had short-term relationships like I have. I've never really felt the need to miss intensely.


Me too. Like you,I need my own space sooner or later. At times I've even lived in commune settings, working and living with the same people 24 hours, day after day, and enjoyed what that kind of living arrangement can make. But sooner or later I miss the total freedom of being spontaneous and leaving the day wide open to whims, and I move on. When it comes to Women, perhaps the longest partnership I've had was just over a year for that reason. We both mutually ended it amicably. But it was definately due to her erecting fences around me to appease her fears about me losing interest, and me seeing what was going on there only 'made' me distant and lose interest LOL. Both only helped to doom the carefree, laid back and playfull partnership we once had.

Oh, and that's a script familiar to many guys of course. Nothing unusual there. It seems that some animals are just wilder than others and don't adjust to captivity well :lol:

#35 Blumen Cohlsman

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Posted 22 June 2011 - 01:11 PM


Better to wallow now in solitude then at some time when it is less timely.

Down times have a profound deep beauty of their own when savoured to their very depths.
Landscapes are enriched with an interesting cast of light when dark heavy clouds pass by.
Wallow in those patterns on the landscape by all means. They are a deep cleansing soak.
Overlays of grinding,scratching mental commentary drama? Best not get enthralled by it.

One is beautifully enriching,recharging and re-aligning. The other can tarnish your vacation.

Anyway, to wallow in...........

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AB4m885sTeE


Romanticized notions aside, the best part of wallowing in misery is that you get tired of it much faster than you'd think and then you can move on to something else in a more organic way than just by ignoring or suppressing the misery.


Eh, that's assuming you are willing to recognize it and get out of it. It's all about capacity to do so. You don't just get tired of it, you have to choose get tired of it. Otherwise the road from mild to moderate depression is just positive feedback loop of hormones away. :P

Steef go out and do something good for someone. Go visit your mom. Take her out to dinner. A blog and a forum are no substitute for a real person sitting across from you listening.

#36 Melange

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Posted 22 June 2011 - 01:25 PM

Eh, that's assuming you are willing to recognize it and get out of it.


Agreed. It's a tight rope walk. And yes, capacity too. Without it, it's easy to become swamped and not see the woods for the trees.

#37 Josh500

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Posted 22 June 2011 - 01:39 PM

Like what? What can possibly take a man's mind off a distant love when he's already admitted that p0rn won't cut it, who's getting support to the point of "don't drink your heartaches away?"


What did Spielberg do when he was away from Amy Irving or Kate Capshaw for months on end? He focused on his career, doing movies.

Steef should focus on his career (whatever it is). That's how men survive.

#38 Stefancos

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Posted 22 June 2011 - 01:42 PM

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#39 Josh500

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Posted 22 June 2011 - 01:44 PM




Steef should focus on his career (whatever it is). That's how men survive.


I don't have one you daft cock! Can't you read?


Then find yourself one already! Or are you so weak and inefficient?

#40 Stefancos

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Posted 22 June 2011 - 01:58 PM

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