The Hobbit Film Trilogy Thread

[Incanus 5,787]

I am now watching the Goblin Down design documentary. Great Goblin's toilet throne is just being discussed. Lovely...

Perhaps this would be a perfect place to reprise the poem I wrote on the matter prior to the first film's release when I first heard about this abomination:

Great Goblin on his Throne
A lord of feces throned he sat,
constipated, quick to fart.
A fat old Orc on bowl so flat ,
regretted eating custard tart.

The finest plumbing ever seen,
it handles liquids, solids, steam,
Great Goblin's seat when flows and burbs,
it nary anyone disturbs, in Goblin Town,
beneath the hills,
Where every corner gurgling fills,
of lavatory marvel this,
Great Goblin's throne, his luck, his bliss.

A one ton wonder, ten feet tall,
Great Goblin, evil lardy ball,
There sits upon this seat all day,
this engineering feat of clay,
and iron, rivets, stone and steel,
he sits there after every meal,
when entertaining foes or guests,
or snoring, singing, making jests.
The pipes can handle anything,
that he produces from within.

Alas came down from mountains old
a band of Dwarves with weapons cold,
with Beater and with Biter too,
surprised Great Goblin on the loo.
A song he sang, the ball of lard,
the Goblin King, our Orkish bard.

Reception though was rather rough,
Dwarf audience was very tough,
and suddenly they cut their bonds,
as darkness falls and sight absconds,
and kindlings, embers, fire fierce,
the goblins burns, the flames skin pierce,
and foulest critic of them all,
the wizard Gandalf rises tall,
he heaves and Glamdring, Foehammer, falls,
he goblins slays and foe forestalls.

Great Goblin on his toilet throne,
in panic red was left alone,
as Gandalf by this seat now stopped,
and off Great Goblin's head he lopped.
As body lardy down fell dead,
the triple chinned Goblin's head,
in toilet rolled, and bowl so deep,
and down the pipes to a rubbish heap,
in Goblin-Town
beneath the hills,
where lament now all hollows fills.

No more sits Goblin on his seat,
in Goblin-Town on mountains' feet,
No more his buttocks bowl that fill,
the toilet throne is cool and still.
In Misty Mountains, dark age old,
where plumbing rusts now, dank and cold.

[gkgyver 1,647]

What do you do all day?

[Incanus 5,787]

What? Huh? Me? Sadly I am not writing witty Tolkienesque poetry for money, that's for sure. And that above stuff was about an hour's worth of fun when I wrote it back in 2012.

[BloodBoal 7,541]

[Jay 39,171]

Well, Kili talking about elves is a huge setup for DOS...

[BloodBoal 7,541]

[Incanus 5,787]

Oh I feel that the "Kili has some hots for elves" is a completely useless character trait to give him, which of course is paving way for his courting of Tauriel in the next film, which of course will come to nothing, so it is rather useless.

[BloodBoal 7,541]

[The Great Gonzales 6,218]

Also the Dwarves Ring is apparently playing a part in DOS so...

[BloodBoal 7,541]

[Bilbo 3,778]

Why is it bad form?

[The Great Gonzales 6,218]

Also the Dwarves Ring is apparently playing a part in DOS so...

And mentioning the One Ring like that is just bad form.

But, Saruman was researching the One......

[Barnald 396]

The low point for me remains the Army of the Dead at Pelennor. Or Gimli's antics in the Paths of the Dead. I haven't seen anything yet in The Hobbit films that pissed me off/caused me to cringe as much as those parts.

[BloodBoal 7,541]

[The Great Gonzales 6,218]

the tracked History Of The Ring statement.

Lifted, or are (from different scores obviously) Battle of the Heroes, and Warehouse Escape tracked as well?

[Bilbo 3,778]

Have you seen AUJ EE, Barnie?

Why is it bad form?

We already have enough hints with the painting Bilbo sees, the tracked History Of The Ring statement when he finds the Rings, etc. We don't need another obvious callback to LOTR like that. It's like PJ is taking the audience for idiots who can't connect the dots.

I just wish it was all told in a subtlier way...

I dunno the scene in the film seems to condense three of the meetings of the White Council nicely:

At the second meeting in T.A. 2851,^[3] the Council met at Rivendell.^[7] Gandalf urged an attack on Dol Guldur following his discovery in the previous year that its master was indeed Sauron.^[3] Saruman overruled him because in secret he had begun to desire the One Ring for himself.^[3] Unusually for a White Council meeting, Gandalf sat apart from the others, in silence and smoking, whilst Saruman spoke against the attack on Dol Guldur.^[7] This irritated Saruman and he spoke to Gandalf afterwards, asking him why he did not join in the discussion, and mocked his smoking.^[7] Gandalf replied, saying that pipe weed gave him 'patience' and mentioned that it was a practice of the Halflings.^[7] Saruman mocked him again.^[7] In response Gandalf did not speak, but sent out many rings of smoke into the air and grasped them in his hand before they vanished.^[7] Saruman read this gesture as suggesting that Gandalf suspected him of wanting to possess the One Ring, or that there was a connection between the rings of power and the Halflings.^[7]

At the third meeting in T.A. 2941,^[3] they agreed to attack Dol Guldur. Saruman finally submitted for he knew that Sauron was searching for the One Ring in the Anduin.^[3]The White Council launched an attack on Dol Guldur, but Sauron, having already made plans, fled to Mordor.^[3]

At the fourth and final meeting in T.A. 2953, following Sauron's open declaration in 2951,^[3] there was a discussion on the rings of power. Saruman claimed to have knowledge that the One Ring had been lost down the Anduin and into the sea.^[3]

So the One and the other rings were discussed. I really don't see your problem. The too many connections things is subjective. I like all the little links. We know where they lead but the characters don't.

I mean, obviously it wasn't in the book itself but if you expected a like for like adaptation without additions you were very naive to begin with.

[BloodBoal 7,541]

[The Great Gonzales 6,218]

You just feel for Gandalf being made to feel like a fool by Saruman!

[Barnald 396]

Have you seen AUJ EE, Barnie?

Why is it bad form?

We already have enough hints with the painting Bilbo sees, the tracked History Of The Ring statement when he finds the Rings, etc. We don't need another obvious callback to LOTR like that. It's like PJ is taking the audience for idiots who can't connect the dots.

I just wish it was all told in a subtlier way...

Yep. Enjoyed it. A couple of bare-arsed Dwarves seen very briefly didn't bother me.

Because at least that and the Goblin-king song (alright it's pretty bad) fit with the tone of the film. Gimli treading on bones and blowing spirits away is terribly cringeworthy. There's no real place for comic relief at this stage of the story. It hints at bad things for the whole Army of the Dead arc, which is badly handled. Their arrival at the battle and its conclusion is just awful. It's the only bit of the 4 films to date I really object to. This may change with the next two films however. Infact, I'd be rather surprised if it didn't.

[The Great Gonzales 6,218]

Also, naked dwarves were in the book (I know, I know, its better in the book )

[Bilbo 3,778]

I mean, obviously it wasn't in the book itself but if you expected a like for like adaptation without additions you were very naive to begin with.

Of course, I knew there'd be additions. I just think they're badly handled.

Well I disagree. The film has its flaws and it's far from perfect (definitely the worst of the four so far) but it's fits fine in the Jackson-verse for me. Some of the humour is a bit too slapstick and I could have done without the mushroom and stick insect stuff but I can live with it.

I think you get too worked up about it

[BloodBoal 7,541]

[Barnald 396]

Well you must have had some big issues with parts of Jackson's LOTR films as well then?

[Bilbo 3,778]

I think you get too worked up about it

That's because I love the LOTR trilogy and lvoe The Hobbit book. And when you love something and think someone is doing a terrible job with it, you easily get carried away.

Well lucky for you then that the LOTR trilogy and The Hobbit book exist and you can just write of Jackson's version and forget about it!

[The Great Gonzales 6,218]

Well, he also wants Jackson to do well.

[BloodBoal 7,541]

[KK 3,308]

Have you seen AUJ EE, Barnie?

Why is it bad form?

We already have enough hints with the painting Bilbo sees, the tracked History Of The Ring statement when he finds the Rings, etc. We don't need another obvious callback to LOTR like that. It's like PJ is taking the audience for idiots who can't connect the dots.

I just wish it was all told in a subtlier way...

Yep. Enjoyed it. A couple of bare-arsed Dwarves seen very briefly didn't bother me.

Because at least that and the Goblin-king song (alright it's pretty bad) fit with the tone of the film. Gimli treading on bones and blowing spirits away is terribly cringeworthy. There's no real place for comic relief at this stage of the story. It hints at bad things for the whole Army of the Dead arc, which is badly handled. Their arrival at the battle and its conclusion is just awful. It's the only bit of the 4 films to date I really object to. This may change with the next two films however. Infact, I'd be rather surprised if it didn't.

Uhmm, nothing in LotR, including the moments you mentioned, that are even close to being as cringeworthy as the naked dwarves and the Goblin King song. Those really were awful moments.

[Bilbo 3,778]

Thankfully Tolkien never made mention of any naked dwarves in his book!

[The Great Gonzales 6,218]

Thankfully Tolkien never made mention of any naked dwarves in his book!

But Naked Gandalf, and Frodo and Co!

Thankfully Tolkien never made mention of any naked dwarves in his book!

Chapter 7, page 127.

[BloodBoal 7,541]

[Barnald 396]

Are you really that bothered by a brief shot of naked Dwarves?

Have you seen AUJ EE, Barnie?

Why is it bad form?

We already have enough hints with the painting Bilbo sees, the tracked History Of The Ring statement when he finds the Rings, etc. We don't need another obvious callback to LOTR like that. It's like PJ is taking the audience for idiots who can't connect the dots.
I just wish it was all told in a subtlier way...

Yep. Enjoyed it. A couple of bare-arsed Dwarves seen very briefly didn't bother me.

Because at least that and the Goblin-king song (alright it's pretty bad) fit with the tone of the film. Gimli treading on bones and blowing spirits away is terribly cringeworthy. There's no real place for comic relief at this stage of the story. It hints at bad things for the whole Army of the Dead arc, which is badly handled. Their arrival at the battle and its conclusion is just awful. It's the only bit of the 4 films to date I really object to. This may change with the next two films however. Infact, I'd be rather surprised if it didn't.

Uhmm, nothing in LotR, including the moments you mentioned, that are even close to being as cringeworthy as the naked dwarves and the Goblin King song. Those really were awful moments.

Look I can't deny the Goblin King song is bad, but I can't stress to you how much I hated the conclusion of the battle of the Pelennor Fields. Given how great ROTK was apart from that, it stung far more. The one real blight on that trilogy for me. My expectations were adjusted for The Hobbit films - I never expected something of the same calibre, and I appreciate that it was always going to be different in style and stone. But I was very happy with AUJ nonetheless

[The Great Gonzales 6,218]

And they're CGI.

Good! (I would rather not see real naked people )

[BloodBoal 7,541]

[The Great Gonzales 6,218]

Technically thats a scene not a shot. (neither of them are really.)

[BloodBoal 7,541]

[Barnald 396]

Bloodboal I don't think that Star Wars thing will happen. For one, LOTR will always remain the more popular trilogy, and I suspect people will always go to it first, given that they don't share the same name and episode numbers.

Also, and I know it's subjective, but AUJ really isn't as bad as any of the Star Wars prequels - it has good acting for one thing.

[Bilbo 3,778]

Thankfully Tolkien never made mention of any naked dwarves in his book!

But Naked Gandalf, and Frodo and Co!

Thankfully Tolkien never made mention of any naked dwarves in his book!

Chapter 7, page 127.

It was sarcasm

[The Great Gonzales 6,218]

Also, and I know it's subjective, but AUJ really isn't as bad as any of the Star Wars prequels - it has good acting for one thing.

So did SW.

Well, SOME good acting (McDiarmid, Lee etc.)

[BloodBoal 7,541]

[Barnald 396]

Are you really that bothered by a brief shot of naked Dwarves?

Are you really that bothered by a brief shot of Gimli treading on bones and blowing spirits away?

I wouldn't be, but the Gimli scenes seemed interminable to me. That was part of the problem, they went passed 'mildly humourous' into the 'please end this scene now, it was never funny in the first place and now I actually hate Gimli' stage.

If there was a whole scene of Dwarves being naked and playing in the fountain I could definitely sympathize with you. It would certainly achieve the prize of being the most homoerotic scene in these films to date.

[Bilbo 3,778]

The fountain showed their complete lack of reverence to anything Elvish. Was it needed? Not really. Is it worth getting upset about? No.

[Barnald 396]

Also, and I know it's subjective, but AUJ really isn't as bad as any of the Star Wars prequels - it has good acting for one thing.

So did SW.

Well, SOME good acting (McDiarmid, Lee etc.)

Look McDiarmid was great to watch, but he was hamming it to the nines. His overacting once he 'becomes' Sidious was hilarious though.

Episode III is by far the most bearable though. If a newcomer started from the beginning I don't see how they could get past Episode I.

[The Great Gonzales 6,218]

Look McDiarmid was great to watch, but he was hamming it to the nines.

Lucas was directing and writing the script, how could he not?

[BloodBoal 7,541]

[The Great Gonzales 6,218]

The fountain showed their complete lack of reverence to anything Elvish. Was it needed? Not really. Is it worth getting upset about? No.

You don't have the right to decide that!

He has the only right.

BTW BB check out the AUJ score thread, I posted something that may be of some interest

[Barnald 396]

Look McDiarmid was great to watch, but he was hamming it to the nines.

Lucas was directing and writing the script, how could he not?

As I've always said, overacting is better than bad acting.

[BloodBoal 7,541]

[The Great Gonzales 6,218]

Is "quirky" scoring (As in Goldenthal) bad scoring?

[Barnald 396]

Isn't "overacting" bad acting?

Not in my book. A bit of ham is always entertaining, whereas wooden and plain bad acting never is.

[BloodBoal 7,541]