"Hans's Wonderful Life"...or "Zimmer's Dark Night"

[That_Bloke 115]

"Pour me another one Nick," said Hans.

"Are you sure Hans, don't you think you've had enough, I sure can't let you drive home, Ridley will kill me if I did, " replied Nick.

"I'll get Ernie to drive me home."

"Don't you have composing tonight?"

"Ja, but I'm not needed, Gregson-Williams will re-hash in my place."

"Hey Hans, how are you doing?"

"Jimmy, Jimmy Gower, how my favorite young pharmacist."

"I'm fine Hans, how's my favorite film composer, you ok?" Jimmy looked at Nick, and Nick said, "naw Jimmy, Hans's a little upset, he has to share composer credits."

"I'm sorry Hans, but you know how it is these days no ones ever happy with anything."

"Ja Jimmy you're right, but you're young and have a lot to learn. My score vas special, and that's vhat kills me. Still I'm not going to let it ruin my Christmas." Hans downed his drink in one swallow. "Nick, vill you call Ernie for me."

"Sure Hans, whatever you say." Nick dialed the phone, "Hey Ernie, its Nick over at MV's Bar, will you come pick up Hans and take him home?"

"Hey, no problem Nick, anything for Hans. Give me a couple of minutes and I'll be right there."

"Hans, Ernie says it be just a few minutes." said Nick.

"Great, I think I'll step outside and let these snow motifs sober me up a bit. Don't vant Ridley too mad at me. Hey see you guys at the concert tomorrow night."

"Wouldn't miss it," said Nick.

"Bullsh-t," said Jimmy sotto voce, which was OK, as Hans wouldn't know what sotto voce or other musical terms meant.

"Merry Christmas," said Hans and he went out the door. He didn't feel very merry, in fact he felt like hell. No one knew his true feelings, dark thoughts that he couldn't share with anyone.

After a few minutes Ernie wasn't there, Hans decided to walk. It's not that far to the bridge. The bridge, he thought, yes the bridge. Wasn't it that bit between the verse and the chorus?

The door opened at MV's, and Ernie popped his head in. "Hey Nick, Hans ready?"

"Whadda ya mean. He's outside."

"NO, he's not out here," replied Ernie.

"Well he left a few minutes ago. I hope he didn't decide to drive." Nick walked to the door and he and Ernie walked out to the parking lot. "Well Ernie there's his car so he didn't drive, he must have walked.."

Hans stood at the foot of the River bridge. It was snowing heavily. How Hans had gotten there he wasn't quite sure. All he knew was he was drunk, absolutely sh-t faced (and what is such an Australian expression like "absolutely sh-t faced" doing in this American setting?) soooo. He was also very tired, tired of playing the game. For once he had landed the absolute best scoring opportunity, his dream score. It was good, it was better than good damn-it, it was great. His best since Driving Miss Daisy. without a doubt. Hans had never wanted to score a film more than he did Dark Knight, and now he had to share. All of it. What's the point, he thought. I've never had this happen to me, now I'll be a more of a laughing stock than what I already am. I think I'll go sleep with the fishes. Hell I wish I'd never been born.

Hans started to climb the rails, as he did so his mind turned to that awful day, what was it yesterday, yeah yesterday Hans decided...

Debussy-type vibraphones playing whole-tone scales cue in a flashback...

"Hans, so good to see you," said Chris Nolan who had just directed The Dark Knight, "you're looking well."

"Dankenschen Kris. You are too."

"Hans, you know the Brothers Warner the producers on Dark Knight?"

"We've met briefly, Ja. may I ask vhy I am here."

"Well Hans," spoke a Warner Brother, "and you might want to sit down", he motioned Hans over to a chair, "we've decided that your score, while quite droning, and re-hashed, isn't quite right for the movie."

"You need for me to make changes, Ja?" asked Hans.

"No Hans, no we don't," said the other Warner Brother, "we've decided to have another composer co-write real music to share with your droning, oops I meant ominous and suspenseful atmospherics."

"I see, my music, vhile fitting the genre, and using authentic synthesizers, isn't appropriate? Kris vhat do you think?"

"I'm just the director, Hansie." said Chris.

"Look Hans, we're going to get James Newton-Howard to add some of his stuff. He's more capable than you. He'll provide the movie with something that you can't bring to this movie: Melody. And sophistication in harmonic structure and arrangements."

"Interestink, melody und sophistication." said Hans ("I'm not familiar vith those" he thought to himself) "Does Ridley know?"

"Yes Ridley knows, how dare you even bring his name up, he told me it was my call, and he was fine with whatever decisions I made."

"Are you avare that James Newton-Hovard used to write string arrangements for Elton John?"

"Professional jealousy Hans?" asked a Warner Brother. "His heritage or ability isn't really the question, this change is about replacing an old worn out man, whose scores all sound the same. Face it Hans, you're past your prime, your music is stale, and you've been passed by.

Reality is tough, but you're old, you can face it."

"Vell then I guess there isn't anything more to say. I will be on my way, Kris," Hans nodded in his direction.

Chris lowered his head and apologized, "I'm sorry Hansie, I have no say in this, and I wouldn't have made this decision."

"That's ok Kris, I understand, Gentlemen" Hans nodded toward the two producers.

Hans remembered walking out of Christopher Nolan's office absolutely livid. And to think

That his best friend had allowed it. The absolute betrayal, it staggered Hans. I'd give Ridley a piece of my mind, but he's in Rome filming Gladiator 2- the Musical! with Lisa Gerrard and Zac Efron, and out of reach at the moment. But that didn't matter now, because Hans didn't care, he cared about nothing. He looked down over the rail at the water. Even here at the edge, it was a long way down. Well it the fall doesn't kill me, Hans thought, the cold soon will.

Suddenly Hans fell into the water. It was cold. He didn't put up a struggle but peacefully sank to the bottom, where he came to rest near the fish-nibbled corpse of Gustavo Satan-alolla, and eventually died. Curiously, no one seemed to come looking for him.

Up on the bridge Clarence the angel stepped forward. He didn't mean to push Hans so hard; just a little nudge into the depths. But no matter: the desired result was still achieved. Somewhere, a bell tolled, and Clarence suddenly found himself floating Heavenward on his new wings. He saw the Clouds part whilst cherubim welcomed him back to the fold, as from Heaven the joyous strains burst forth of "Somewhere In My Memory".

[Neimoidian 14]

You people just have too much of spare time

[ChuckM 1]

lol. That's great!

[Unlucky Bastard 7,782]

Now we are free... and we won't see him again.

[Ollie 1,059]

I just love the holidays.

I don't think I would even wish that on Hansy.

[jasonblueeyes 0]

It's a good time to listen to "Toys" - and wonder why for some reason, did I love it as much as I did Xmas 1993 but now find it wretched.

[Koray Savas 2,251]

The only bit that got me laughing was Gustavo.

I don't think I would even wish that on Hansy.

Good.

[BLUMENKOHL 1,068]

That was actually pretty boring, given the big opportunity for jokes that Zimmer is.

Good try though.

[Ollie 1,059]

The only bit that got me laughing was Gustavo.

I don't think I would even wish that on Hansy.

Good.

I've said many times I don't hate the man personally.

[Quintus 5,399]

I'd say I don't get it, but I'd only be called a spoilsport for saying so.

Not to worry - I don't get Joey's tall tales either.

[Ollie 1,059]

Have you ever watched It's A Wonderful Life?