BloodBoal 7,538 Posted March 16, 2012 Share Posted March 16, 2012 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Faleel 5,346 Posted March 16, 2012 Share Posted March 16, 2012 The first thing a composer must learn is how to conduct himself Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chuck 154 Posted March 16, 2012 Share Posted March 16, 2012 A movie director hired a well known composer to write the score for his new family film. After seeing the film the composer decided that a really different instrumentation would best fit the mood of the film. So he decided to use the woodwind sections from three of the best jazz bands and the high string sections of three of the world's best symphony orchestras for his composition. A short while after the soundtrack had been added to the film, the composer received a really angry message from the movie director. It seems that the film rating board had given his family film an "R" rating for too much sax and violins.-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------What kind of movies do evil composers like? Anything with violins! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quintus 5,399 Posted March 16, 2012 Share Posted March 16, 2012 Knock knock.Who's there?Danger.Danger who?Danger Motif.Oh not you again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chuck 154 Posted March 16, 2012 Share Posted March 16, 2012 Steven Spielberg was discussing his newest project - an action docudrama about famous composers, starring top movie stars. Sylvester Stallone, Steven Seagal, Bruce Willis, and Arnold Schwarzenegger were all being courted for the top roles.Hoping to have the box office "oomph" of these superstars, Spielberg was prepared to allow them to select the composers they would portray, providing they were among the most famous."I have always admired Mozart," declared Stallone. "I would really love to play him.""I have always been partial to Strauss and his waltzes," stated Seagal. "He is the one I would like to play.""Chopin has always been my favorite and my image would improve if people saw me playing the piano," Willis said. "I'll play him."Spielberg was very pleased with these choices. "Sounds splendid," he said. Then, turning to Schwarzenegger, he asked, "Well Arnold, who would you like to be?""I'll be Bach!" Schwarzenegger replied. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quintus 5,399 Posted March 16, 2012 Share Posted March 16, 2012 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Incanus 5,714 Posted March 16, 2012 Share Posted March 16, 2012 Robert Shaw (the famous conductor):If God gave you the talent to compose, you should compose.If you can't compose, you should play or sing.If you can't play or sing, you should teach.If you can't teach, you should go to arts administration.And if you can't do arts administration,you can always conduct. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Faleel 5,346 Posted March 16, 2012 Share Posted March 16, 2012 Miklos Rozsa on when asked to score Star Wars: Ben-hur done that, however "I don't understand out of space, I'm too much of a terrestrial creature" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wojo 2,453 Posted March 16, 2012 Share Posted March 16, 2012 Did you guys hear Willie Nelson died today?He was playing on the road again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crocodile 8,001 Posted March 16, 2012 Share Posted March 16, 2012 Knock knock.Who's there?Danger.Danger who?Danger Motif.Oh not you again. Karol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jilal 569 Posted March 16, 2012 Share Posted March 16, 2012 Miklos Rozsa on Scoring Star Wars: Ben-hur done that, I don't do space however."I don't understand out of space, I'm too much of a terrestrial creature" - Miklos Rozsa when asked if he wanted to score Star Wars Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
#SnowyVernalSpringsEternal 10,265 Posted March 16, 2012 Share Posted March 16, 2012 I thought that quote was from when he was asked to score Star Trek 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Muad'Dib 1,802 Posted March 16, 2012 Share Posted March 16, 2012 I thought that quote was from when he was asked to score Star Trek 2Isn't that the same thing? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
#SnowyVernalSpringsEternal 10,265 Posted March 16, 2012 Share Posted March 16, 2012 ........... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
indy4 155 Posted March 17, 2012 Share Posted March 17, 2012 Not to decrease the average maturity level of the posts in this thread, but: Are you french honry for my tromboner? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wanner251 17 Posted March 17, 2012 Share Posted March 17, 2012 How do you know when the stage is perfectly level?The percussionists are all drooling out of BOTH sides of their mouths.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wojo 2,453 Posted March 17, 2012 Share Posted March 17, 2012 How do you tune two piccolos?Shoot one of them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shane 0 Posted March 17, 2012 Share Posted March 17, 2012 One summer night, an orchestra performed Beethoven's Ninth Symphony. Since it was a very hot night and the players were working up quite a sweat, the ventilators were turned on. The wind from the ventilators caused the score to fly all over the place, so it was tied down to the note holders. The ventilators also made such a racket, that the bassists decided that it didn't matter if they downed a few pints and got drunk as lords. Two of them got so drunk, they passed out. The violinist was so disgusted, he got up to leave but slipped and fell. Thus, it was the bottom of the 9th, the bassists were loaded, the score was tied with two men out and the fans were cheering wildly as a man slid home. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Naïve Old Fart 9,515 Posted March 17, 2012 Share Posted March 17, 2012 One day, some archeologists heard scratching noises coming from within Mozart's grave. They opened it up to find Mozart covering all his scores with black ink. "What are you doing?", they asked him, to which he replied: "I'm decomposing". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
#SnowyVernalSpringsEternal 10,265 Posted March 17, 2012 Share Posted March 17, 2012 Musical joke? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Incanus 5,714 Posted March 17, 2012 Share Posted March 17, 2012 A bit below the belt but it's was a good one Stefan. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Naïve Old Fart 9,515 Posted March 17, 2012 Share Posted March 17, 2012 Agreed: the best, yet!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quintus 5,399 Posted March 17, 2012 Share Posted March 17, 2012 I don't get it. For the joke to work Zimmer would have to be a bad musician. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
#SnowyVernalSpringsEternal 10,265 Posted March 17, 2012 Share Posted March 17, 2012 Your iPad must not have translated the funny! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wojo 2,453 Posted March 17, 2012 Share Posted March 17, 2012 Ohmygod, that scarf does not go with those shoes. Fashion police, fashion police, move it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
#SnowyVernalSpringsEternal 10,265 Posted March 17, 2012 Share Posted March 17, 2012 His shoes? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarpia 132 Posted March 17, 2012 Share Posted March 17, 2012 When a member of the orchestra is incapable of doing his job right, they give him two sticks, and send him to the back of the orchestra.When that memeber still isn't capable of doing his job right, they take away one of his sticks, and send him to the front of the orchestra.How do you tune two piccolos?Shoot one of them.I loved this one! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wanner251 17 Posted March 17, 2012 Share Posted March 17, 2012 Originally I was going to write: how do you make the percussionists drool out of both sides of their mouths? Level the stage... Wait... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wojo 2,453 Posted March 17, 2012 Share Posted March 17, 2012 How do you know a drummer is knocking at your door?He keeps slowing down. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
indy4 155 Posted March 17, 2012 Share Posted March 17, 2012 What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft? A flat minor. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joni Wiljami 1,206 Posted March 17, 2012 Share Posted March 17, 2012 How do you tune two piccolos?Shoot one of them."Shoot them. Shoot the both"How do you know a drummer is knocking at your door?He keeps slowing down. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
#SnowyVernalSpringsEternal 10,265 Posted March 17, 2012 Share Posted March 17, 2012 No viola jokes yet? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joni Wiljami 1,206 Posted March 17, 2012 Share Posted March 17, 2012 You first. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarpia 132 Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 There's a car with a violist falling down a cliff. What is that?A terrible waste! There was room for three more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
indy4 155 Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 Why did Bach have so many children? He didn't have a stop on his organ. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pixie_twinkle 48 Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 The conducter walked out onto the stage to deafening applause. After bowing to the audience, he turned to the orchestra. Silence fell. Just as he was about to raise his arms to begin, he noticed the principle violist sobbing, quietly. The conducter rather self-consciously bent over the podium to the violist and whispered "What's the problem?"The violist looked up at him in dismay and answered "The principle cellist just detuned one of my strings!"His voice rising in frustration, the conductor harshly whispered "Well why don't you just tune it again, quickly!"The violist burst into floods of tears and wailed "He won't tell me which one!!!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BloodBoal 7,538 Posted May 11, 2012 Author Share Posted May 11, 2012 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tannhauser 101 Posted May 11, 2012 Share Posted May 11, 2012 How can you tell which are the trumpet players kids at a playground?They don't know how to swing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chuck 154 Posted May 11, 2012 Share Posted May 11, 2012 Does anyone find the main theme from Silvestri's The Avengers to be really low-key?I heard he's Thor after finishing the score. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BloodBoal 7,538 Posted May 11, 2012 Author Share Posted May 11, 2012 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chuck 154 Posted May 11, 2012 Share Posted May 11, 2012 That's a shame he didn't included the Thor-beat pattern in the score...Does anyone find the main theme from Silvestri's The Avengers to be really low-key?I heard he's Thor after finishing the score.So, is that the reason why he didn't included the Thor-beat pattern in the score?In Stark contrast to his previous score. This one has got a lot of fury from the film music fans. Which is funny because it's been bannered as a return to the classic superhero film scoring. What a marvel to behold. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MSM 126 Posted May 12, 2012 Share Posted May 12, 2012 No viola jokes yet?What's the definition of a minor second?Two viola players playing in unison How do you know a viola player plays out of tune?The bow is moving Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pixie_twinkle 48 Posted May 12, 2012 Share Posted May 12, 2012 A string player is found dead in the road, apparently the victim of a hit and run driver. Without opening the instrument case lying next to the body the police inspector says "It's a viola player". The sergeant says "How do you know it's a violist not a violinist? The inspector says "There are no skid marks in front of the body." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ren 75 Posted May 16, 2012 Share Posted May 16, 2012 How do you know there's a singer knocking at your door?They can't kind the key and don't know when to come in. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShowUStheHOOK 8 Posted May 20, 2012 Share Posted May 20, 2012 A pianist and singer are rehearsing "Autumn Leaves" for a concert and the pianist says:"OK. We will start in G minor and then on the third bar, modulate to B major and go into 5/4. When you get to the bridge, modulate back down to F# minor and alternate a 4/4 bar with a 7/4 bar. On the last A section go into double time and slowly modulate back to G minor."The singer says: "Wow, I don't think I can remember all of that."The pianist says: "Well, that's what you did last time."At a posh wedding reception in Beverly Hills the pianist falls into the swimming pool. The pianist flails furiously while calling for help, yelling "help me! I can't swim!" One of the other guests who happens to be at the poolside says "So? I can't play the piano and you don't hear me complaining."Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?An old man was on his death bed and called his whole family together so that he could bid them farewell and make his peace with the world. After he said what he wanted to each in turn and he knew he was coming very close to death he called for all to gather together."I have one thing I would like to confess before I go," he said. They all drew closer. "It was me," cough, wheeze, "I was the one," he said as they leaned down as close as they could to hear what he could barely get out in a whisper.Gasp, cough, "I was the one," cough, wheeze, "in the kitchen with Dinah..." annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd the piece de resistanceAaron Copland (1900-1990), US composer. One day Copland was in a bookshop when he noticed that a woman was buying two books--a volume of Shakespeare, and Copland'sWhat to Listen For in Music. As the customer turned to leave, he stopped her and asked, "Would you like me to autograph your book?" The woman looked blankly at the proud composer and asked, "Which one?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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