Favorite lines

ocelot · January 29, 2003

What are your favorite lines from TV? I have so many that I love like:

"Rule number one... Unless you're served in a frosted glass, never come within four feet of my mouth!"

"Honey, be a love and move that filthy goat pelt off my husband's seat!"

"Excuse me, can we get a couple of seared ahi tuna salads with honey mustard on the side?"

"I don't work here"

"That wasn't my question!" (looks confused at lady)

"Don't talk to me like that, I'm a first class passenger!"

"Six inches is perfectly adequate, any more is vulgar, for one should have an innate sense of these things!!!" (looking at a window that has been opened too wide)

Beowulf · January 29, 2003

Good heavens there are so many!

But here's a couple I can think of right now:

Picard: "There are..FOHR..Lights!"

Mr. Burns: "Men...there's a crippled boy sitting in the hospital who wants you to win this game.....I know, because I crippled him myself to inspire you"

Mr. Constanza: "Serenity Now!"

JoeinAR · January 29, 2003

Karen to Grace, Honey brown is over. insert little hand gesture.

SNL, Darrel Hammonds as Sean Connery, and Will Ferrel as Alex Trebek

Sean: I'll take the rapists for $200.

Alex: Thats Therapists for $200.

#SnowyVernalSpringsEternal · January 29, 2003

Sean: I'll take the rapists for $200.
Alex: Thats Therapists for $200.

Sean: You think your pretty smart, don't you Trebek, with that dego mustache...and your greasy hair?

Stefancos- :biglaugh:

Lurker · January 29, 2003

The one that immediately came to mind is a commercial for Neutrogena T-Gel, narrated by Michael Dorn. Sounding rather Worf like, he would say, "Hyperkeratosis? Persistent itchy flaky scalp. Solution? Neutrogena T-Gel". It just used to crack me up time and time again. I still do impressions of it. :lsvader:

Neil

tharpdevenport · January 29, 2003

Red Dwarf:

Kryten: "Sir, they've taken Mister Rimmer, they've taken MR RIMMER!"

Cat: "Quick, let's get out of here before they bring him back!"

----------

Rimmer: "42"

----------

Frasier

Frasier: "...and NO ONE... was chasing ME?!"

----------

Frasier: "Don't expect me to jump up and down and yell yippe."

Lilith: No, we've allready seen that."

----------

"Nightmere Innnnnn"

----------

More like "inside" lines if you are fans.

ocelot · January 29, 2003

Karen to Grace

"Grace, I thought we talked about the beret... Patti hurst couldn't even pull one off and she had money and a gun!"

Mr. Breathmask · January 29, 2003

So many stuff...

Mostly from the Simpsons. ("Simpson, eh?")

But another one I like is "Die, damn you". (Stewie from Family Guy)

But at the moment my favorite is the opening speech from 24:

"Terrorists are plotting to assassinate a presidential candidate. My wife and daughter have been targeted, and the people that I work with may be involved in both. I'm Federal Agent Jack Bauer, and today is the longest day in my life."

Trumpeteer · January 29, 2003

The one from Jeopardy with Sean Connery is the best of all time. I wish iI had that episode on tape so I could watch it over and over.

Ray Barnsbury · January 30, 2003

Connery to Trebec: "You didn't sit down during the break . . . what's the matter sweetie, have a date last night?"

Connery telling a joke "A duck went into a bar . . . I can't remember the rest, but your mother's a whore!"

:sleepy: That is one of the best SNL skits ever.

On Friends:Chandler and Joey trying to choose between two babies after they lost Ross' son Ben:

J: "This one has ducks on his shirt and this one has clowns."

C: "Let's flip for it!"

J: "Ok, the one with ducks can be heads because ducks have heads!"

Pause

C: "What kind of scary ass clowns came you your birthday party?"

And of course, the Williams reference on Gilmore Girls I posted last week. :sleepy:

Ray Barnsbury

Morn · January 30, 2003

Quark: You know what I like about Klingon stories? Nothing. Alot of people die, and nobody makes a profit.

Dr. Julian Bashir: Aren't you two wearing the wrong color?

O'Brien: Don't you know anything about this period in time?

Dr. Julian Bashir: I'm a doctor, not an historian.

Sisko: In the old days, operations officers wore red, command officers wore gold.

Lieutenant Commander Jadzia Dax: And women wore LESS.

Dr. Julian Bashir: Of all the stories you told me, which ones were true and which ones weren't?

Elim Garak: My dear Doctor, they're all true...

Dr. Julian Bashir: Even the lies?

Elim Garak: Especially the lies.

[Nog assessing a holographic rescue simulation]

Lt. Nog: ..And you shot Moogie!

Ferengi: I saw we weren't going to rescue her so I put her out of her out of her misery.

Ferengi 2: Why don't we try something easier?

Lt. Nog: Like what?

Ferengi 2: Like ambushing a couple of Bolians?

Lt. Nog: You couldn't ambush a couple of Bolians if they were blindfolded and tied to a tree!

Lieutenant Commander Worf: I have a sense of humor. On the Enterprise, I was considered to be quite amusing.

Lieutenant Commander Jadzia Dax: That must've been one dull ship.

Lieutenant Commander Worf: That is a joke. I get it. It is not funny, but I get it.

[after Bashir tells the story of The Boy Who Cried Wolf]

Dr. Julian Bashir: The point is, if you lie all the time, nobody's going to believe you, even when you're telling the truth.

Elim Garak: Are you sure that's the point, doctor?

Dr. Julian Bashir: Of course. What else could it be?

Elim Garak: That you should never tell the same lie twice.

[A group of Klingons invade the tailor's shop]

Elim Garak: Well, let me guess. You're either lost, or desperately searching for a good tailor!

Quark: All I know is that any marriage where the female is allowed to speak and wear clothing is doomed to failure.

Quark: There is an old Ferengi saying, 'Never ask when you can take.'

Elim Garak: I beleive in coincidences, coincidences happen every day. But I don't trust coincidences.

Julian: If you're not a spy ... maybe you're an outcast.

Garak: Or maybe I'm an outcast spy.

Julian: How can you be both?

Garak: I never said I was either.

tharpdevenport · January 30, 2003

LOL, those Basher and Garak ones are great. I had completely forgotten about them.

Though DS9 may have been bad on several levels, it was also good on several levels.

I really feel that show could have been something.

:sleepy:

Morn · January 30, 2003

Ds9..... bad?

Mr. Breathmask · January 30, 2003

From Friends:

Ross finds out Rachel is "over him"

Ross: You're over me? When were you ever under me?

From Mad About You:

Jamie has hired Sherman, an old friend, to paint the house.

Lisa: Did you use him before?

Jamie: Yes.

Lisa: Is he good?

Jamie: Yes.

(pause)

Paul: Are we still talking about painting here?

(beat)

Jamie: No.

tharpdevenport · January 30, 2003

Friends:

Ross: "We were on a BREAK!"

-----

Just about anything Chandler says.

I dont' watch friends anymore, lost interest.

You know a series is close to ending or running out of ideas when marriges and babies are the big deal.

Yes, DS9 was bad. Sorry. But if it makes you fell any better, so was Voyeager and Enterprise.

Lurker · January 30, 2003

Yes, DS9 was bad. Sorry. But if it makes you fell any better, so was Voyeager and Enterprise.

Agreed 100%. But we should probably both point out that these are only our opinions and not facts.

Neil

#SnowyVernalSpringsEternal · January 30, 2003

Neil, i'm sure your opinion is based only on season 1 and 2.

Stefancos- who thinks neither DS9 not TNG really becaome GREAT till their third seasons. (and Classic Trek only had 2 good seasons )

JoeinAR · January 30, 2003

LOL, those Basher and Garak ones are great. I had completely forgotten about them.
Though DS9 may have been bad on several levels, it was also good on several levels.
I really feel that show could have been something.

it was something, something wonderful,

Joe, who suspects someone criticizing DS9 when their avatar is from the show Millenium. Talk about bad on many levels.

tharpdevenport · January 30, 2003

What's that Mr. Gay dancing Spider-Man?

JoeinAR · January 30, 2003

What's that Mr. Gay dancing Spider-Man?

exactly, he's funny, something that Millenium never was.

From Soap,

Mary Campbell upon learning she's pregnant and it may be the alien Bert's child. she says "I'm going to be sick, Jessica get me a calendar"

Bubbleheaded and stacked Jessica, grabs a colander and says "Oh Mary it will go right through."

Mary walks in on her son Jodi, played by Billy Crystal. He is wearing her dress. She says "Haven't I told you not to wear my clothe... oh you wear that belted" One of the funniest lines I have ever heard on tv. At the time it was so shocking and extremely riske

I wish I could find Night Court on tv, it has some of the funniest lines as well.

Morn · January 31, 2003

Yes, DS9 was bad. Sorry. But if it makes you fell any better, so was Voyeager and Enterprise.
Agreed 100%. But we should probably both point out that these are only our opinions and not facts.
Neil

Wrong opinions. 8O

ocelot · January 31, 2003

DS9 did become better as it went along. I could have done without Sisko though. I think Kira should have run the station. The dynamics of her fiery personality would have made for a much better show.

Voyager and Enterprise have some good episodes, but on the whole they sort of just meander all over the place. Hopefully they can inject some really good direction to Enterprise and make it compelling.

As for TNG, that was my show!!! I think the dynamics of everyone on board at that time made for great TV.

tharpdevenport · February 1, 2003

Hey, i can't let this go.

1. If you even saw 1 episode of MillenniuM, you would realize it's not supposed to be funny. It's in no way a comedy show.

2. You spelt it wrong too.

3. I watched the first year and the last 3 and a half years of DS9 and i can say it wasn't that special, though it was better than Babalon 5.

JoeinAR · February 1, 2003

tharp you spelled spelt wrong too.

actually I liked the show, but it was too morose, even for me.

Ollie · February 1, 2003

One of my favorites from Family Guy:

Peter's family is watching Star Trek

Kirk : "Allright men this is a dangerous mission and it's likely one of us will be killed. The landing party will consist of myself, Mr. Spock, Dr. McCoy and Ensign Ricky."

(Camera pans past each character to the red shirted Ensign Ricky)

Ensign Ricky: "Aww Crap."

Morn · February 1, 2003

DS9 did become better as it went along. I could have done without Sisko though. I think Kira should have run the station. The dynamics of her fiery personality would have made for a much better show

Yeah, if you like 'bitch'. :thumbup:

ocelot · February 1, 2003

Exactly, who needs some complacent, completely uneventful, one tone wonder as the Station Captain?!?!?!?!?! I say they should have killed him off and brought on Joan Collins as Alexis Carrington back to run DS9. Then you would really have BITCH!!!!!!! Now that's good TV!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Alexis walks in to the bridge or equivalent of "I'm Alexis Morell Carrington Colby Dexter, you're all fired! I'm taking over the running of this Station, and as for the decor, or lack therof..... I'll be having movers, stylists, interior designers and architects moving in to your quarters by 0 700 on stardate 3569.69 Please be off the station by then or I'll have you put you in the brig and you can rot there for all eternity."

Which reminds me of another line from TV

Krystal "I want you out of this house and don't ever step foot in it while I'm there, do we understand each other?"

Alexis (raising her eybrows and parting lips slightly) "Crystal"

As in Crystal CLear, get it, get it? I loved that!!! Oh God, I really do need more drugs today......

#SnowyVernalSpringsEternal · February 1, 2003

:devil: :thumbup:

This is to much, how dare you turn a wonderfull show like DS9 into a Gay-icon travesty.

Stefancos- who probably wants to replace the DS9 theme with avocal version, sung by Shirley Bassey.

Many · February 1, 2003

Here are three of my favorites:

Ralph Wiggum (on eating island berries): They taste like . . . burning!

Lisa Simpsons (on eating Apu's cooking): I can see through time.

Lisa: Where are the dice?

Todd: Daddy says dice are wicked.

Rod: We just move one space at a time. It's less fun that way.

Many

tharpdevenport · February 2, 2003

The Simpsons:

Homer: "You cancelled The Platapus Man!.... snf The Cosby Mysteries! That show had endless possibilities!!!!!"

----------

Homer after making a bad review of Marge's cooking:

"Pallet's change."

Marge: "Oh really? What's a pallet?"

Homer: "It's a... special time in a boys life when... Yoink!" and runs off with some steaks.

==========

The Prisoner:

Number 2 trying to persuade 6 to run for Number 2's position:

"Are you going to run?"

Number 6: "Like blazes! First chance i get."

Beowulf · February 2, 2003

Some more:

Ralph Wiggum:

- "Me fail English? That's unpossible!"

- "Hi Lisa! Hi Supernintendo Chalmers!"

- "Oh boy, sleep! That's where i'm a Viking!"

- "I bent my Wookie!"

Troy McClure:

-"I'm Troy McClure and i'll leave you with what we all came here to see....Hard-core nudity!"

And my favorite line of all time:

Lionel Hutz: "Uh oh...we've drawn Judge Snyder"

Marge: "Is that bad?"

Lionel Hutz: "Well he's had it in for me ever since I kinda ran over his dog"

Marge: "You did?"

Lionel Hutz: "Well, replace the word "kinda" with the word "repeatedly" and the word "dog" with..."son".

:sigh:

Thank God for The Simpsons.

Morn · February 2, 2003

*gets out his shot gun* Stay away from my favourite tv show!

tharpdevenport · February 8, 2003

Lisa: "Mr. Burns, i hardly see what destroying are meager possessions in going to accomplish."

Mr. Burns: "She's right. Take me home Smithers, we'll destroy something tasteful. Ironic isn't it Smithers- this annonomys clan of slack jawed troglidites have cost me thee election. And yet, if i were to have them killed, I would be the one to go to jail! That's democracy for you!"

Smithers: "You are noble and poetic in defeat sir."

Cang: "From this cable system we recieve over one million channels from the furthest reaches of the galaxy."

Bart: "Do you get HBO?"

Cang: "No... that would cost extra."

Ren · February 8, 2003

*gets out his shot gun* Stay away from my favourite tv show!

that was actually really funny morn. :sigh:

Morn · February 8, 2003

It is more believable that you are after sex. :sigh:

Ren · February 8, 2003

WHAT! I really did think that was funny morn! :sigh:

ocelot · February 9, 2003

"Which lever do I pull to be crushed by a safe?!"

#SnowyVernalSpringsEternal · February 9, 2003

Star Trek: TNG.

Captain Jean-Luc Picard: I understand what you've done here, Q. But I think the lesson could have been learnt without the loss of 18 members of my crew.

Q: If you can't take a little bloody nose, maybe you ought to go back home and crawl under your bed. It's not safe out here. It's wondrous - with treasures to satiate desires both subtle and gross. But it's not for the timid.

Lieutenant Worf: I am Klingon! If you are in doubt, a demonstration can be arranged!

Borg Collective: Freedom is irrelevant. Resistance is futile.

Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Someone once told me that time was a predator that stalked us. I rather think that it is a friend that accompanies us on the journey to remind us to treasure every moment because it will never come again. After all Number One, we're only mortal.

Commander William T. Riker: Speak for yourself, sir. I plan to live forever.

Lt.Cmdr. Data: If you prick me, do I not leak?

Picard: [Trying to inspire courage in a child in danger.] Let's see. Your science project involved radishes, did it not? I hereby appoint you my Executive Officer in charge of...um...radishes.

Star Trek DS9

Quark: You know what I like about Klingon stories? Nothing. Alot of people die, and nobody makes a profit.

Colonel Kira Nerys: Quark, if you don't take your hand off my hip, you'll never be able to raise a glass with it again.

Quark: Oh, I love a woman in uniform!

[Preparing for a secret mission]

Rom: I won't even tell them my name.

O'Brien: Rom, everyone on the station knows your name.

Rom: Well... I won't confirm it.

Q: You hit me! Jean-Luc never hit me!

Sisko: I'm not Jean-Luc.

General Martok: I tell you, Worf, war is more fun when you're WINNING!

Sisko: That may be the most important thing to understand about humans. It is the unknown that defines our existence. We are constantly searching . . . not just for answers to our questions . . . but for new questions. We are explorers . . . . We explore our lives day by day . . . and we explore the galaxy, trying to expand the boundaries of our knowledge. And that is why I am here. Not to conquer you with weapons or ideas. But to coexist and learn.

Dr. Julian Bashir: Causing people to suffer because you hate them is tetrible . . . but causing people to suffer because you have forgotten how to care . . . that's really hard to understand.

Lieutenant Commander Worf: I have a sense of humor. On the Enterprise, I was considered to be quite amusing.

Lieutenant Commander Jadzia Dax: That must've been one dull ship.

Lieutenant Commander Worf: That is a joke. I get it. It is not funny, but I get it.

Quark: All I know is that any marriage where the female is allowed to speak and wear clothing is doomed to failure.

Odo: Has it ever occurred to you that the only reason you believe the Founders are gods is that they built it into your genetic code?

Weyoun: Of course they did: that's what gods do.

Weyoun: All this talk of gods strikes me as nothing more than superstitious nonsense.

Damar: You believe that the Founders are gods, don't you?

Weyoun: That's different.

Damar: In what way?

Weyoun: The Founders ARE gods.

Stefancos-

tharpdevenport · February 9, 2003

The Simpsons:

Lisa: "Mr. Hutz, are you a shieshster?" (Forgive me, i have no idea how to spell it)

Lional Hutz: "How does a small girl like you know a big word like that?"

----------

Homer: "Dear god! Just give me one channel!!!!!"

Lurker · February 9, 2003

The Simpsons:
Lisa: "Mr. Hunts, are you a shieshster?" (Forgive me, i have no idea how to spell it)
Lional Hunts: "How does a small girl like you know a big word like that?"

Hutz.

Neil

Uni · February 18, 2003

Picard: "Your honor, Starfleet was founded to seek out new life....well, there it sits!"

Timing is everything....when I found this thread, I'd only a few days earlier been thinking about some of the great lines from the first season of Cheers. A few that came to mind:

From the pilot episode:

Diane: Excuse me....where is your bathroom?

Coach: Upstairs next to my bedroom.

Coach: You can call me Red. That's what my old team used to call me.

Diane: Because your hair was red?

Coach: No ma'am, because I read a book.

From later episodes:

Diane: I was up until two in the morning finishing off The Brothers Karamozov.

Sam: Gee, I hope they thanked you for it....

Coach: I once thought of becoming a priest.

Young man (entering priesthood): Really? Are you religious?

Coach: No, I just thought it would be kind of a quiet, peaceful lifestyle.

Young man: Well, allow me to dispell your misconceptions.

Coach (dropping to one knee, covering his head): Oh, thank you father....

Coach: Want a beer, Norm?

Norm: Does a rag doll have cloth knobs?

- Uni

February 18, 2003

from Cheers:

DIANE: What makes you think that I'm not gonna sleep with the guy?

SAM: Well, honey, you know, you see the sun come up every morning for thirty, forty years . . . .after a while you start to trust it.

Spielberg-Fan · February 18, 2003

From Family Guy:

PETER: Brian, there's a message in my Alphabits! It says..... "OOOOOOOO"

BRIAN: Peter, those are Cheerios.

From The Simpsons:

LIONEL HUTZ: (talking about a judge) Well, I kind of accidently ran over his dog.

MARGE: You did?

LIONEL HUTZ: Well replace "accidently" with "repeatedly" and "dog" with "son".

From Seinfeld:

EARL: You wouldn't be trying to sell ol' Earl Haffler Dominicans in a Cuban wrapper, now would you?

KRAMER: Come on, if these boys were anymore Cuban, Castro would have smoked them himself.

EARL: We're talking about people, right?

KRAMER: I think so.

EARL: I thought he quit smoking cigars.

KRAMER: Well yeah, yeah, but uh... they also rolled for his brother, uh, Dennis.

EARL: Dennis Castro.

KRAMER: Um, uh, Dwayne!

EARL: Get the hell out of my office.

tharpdevenport · February 20, 2003

Stargate: SG1:

O'Neil "So what is your impression of Alar?"

Teilk "That he is concealing something."

O'Neil "Like what?"

Teilk "I am unsure- he is concealing it."

I really am enjoying that show.

And Andromeda is getting much better nowadays... now only if ONLY they would stop getting the characters to EXPLAIN the plot when us intelligent veiwers allready understand what they are doing.

I forget the characters name, the black guy, when trapped in a cave being fired apon all alone by a someone he used to know asking him why he left him to die while he escaped, he came out from the corner, fired his weapon and said something like: "Because you are so uncomprimisingly inferior!" Him and Kevin Sorbo have a good character repore going on.

Morn · February 21, 2003

I agree 100% tharpdevenport.

tharpdevenport · February 21, 2003

The Pretender:

Episode where Jarod was head of security in a casino.

In the end he is chased by Parker and the Sifney and 2 Centre men. They have him surrounded when Casino Security comes in and helps Jarod. He says something like:

Jarod: "These 2 have been running a roulettee wheel scam. Take them in."

Parker: to a casino guy "Get your hands off of me."

Jarod: "You might want to strip search this one. she might be pumming (couldn't make out the word) chips."

Parker: "You bastard."

Wojo · February 23, 2003

The best line heard on TV in our time:

CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?

GOOD.

:spiny:

tharpdevenport · February 23, 2003

Oh Wojo,

Been there, done that. Get it? Got it? Good.

:spiny:

tharpdevenport · February 25, 2003

Stargate: SG1:

Jackson: "Well, " he says unknowingly, "we were kind of hoping you could beam them out..." and uses his hands like beaming is a magic trick.

Jacob: "Beam them out?" Laughs. "What do i look like? Scotty?"

:mrgreen:

Morn · February 25, 2003

That show has quite a few Trek references. Technology and dialogue...

Favorite lines

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