Anyone else considering dating apps?

[Xander Harris 9,546]

I'm in my early 30s and want to be married and have a child, but my success rate with women is lower than Titanic's with icebergs. I haven't done online dating since it was first a thing many years ago, which resulted in an extremely awkward date hiking in the woods where I felt like a serial killer. Anyone here use dating apps? I'm looking for suggestions please.

[Wojo 2,458]

I met my wife on OkCupid. We both used the free version. We emailed for four months before meeting and have been inseparable ever since. 

[Bellosh 4,525]

Met my girlfriend on tinder.  Never want to be with anyone else.  She's the love of my life.

 

Dating online is what you make it.  Don't be creepy, be respectful, have confidence, and be funny.

 

But seriously, don't be put down by not finding the right one right away.  I went on a lot of good/lame/boring dates before I met her.

 

My advice is this, don't go into any of it WANTING specifics, (obviously same morals and standards are key) but stuff like, marriage, kids, ect, these are okay things to want, but don't be put off when it's not someone else's priority. People may not want the exact same thing right away, but they grow to want it with the right person. Going on dating applications and sites wanting specific things are sure fire way to be disappointed.  Don't go out looking for love, love will find you.  There's someone for every one.

[Jay 45,801]

I did online dating for a while before I met my wife.  I liked it a lot, it was fun meeting new people all the time even though none of the ones I happened to meet were the right one.  I did date one girl for a few months, and really liked a couple others that didn't feel the same about me, but it was still fun.  Kind of expensive though, since I always offered to pay (usually we just met up for drinks, not dinner) and most of them let me (some insisted on paying for themselves which I was fine with)

[King Mark 3,927]

Good way to get scammed

 

I have a cousin that died recently and we found out she was conned in sending  50000$ to a professional scammer based in Ivory Coast who created a fake identity (fake pictures and profile) and used emotional manipulation over time to get what he wanted .Seems it took her 2 years to figure it out

[dylanskie 122]

I haven't had any lasting success with any apps, but I think you really get out what you put into it. At the very least, in my opinion, it helps boost your self-confidence, which might lead you to something else outside of a dating app (like meeting a girl at a grocery store, etc.)

[Holko 12,019]

6 minutes ago, dylanskie said:

At the very least, in my opinion, it helps boost your self-confidence,

Right, maxing out everyone in the area and getting zero matches sure does that! (Based on a friend's experience of course)

[Wojo 2,458]

I actually created a few pictureless dating profiles while I was in the final months of a bad long-term long distance relationship that was dying, just to test the waters. Once it was over, I felt better about adding my photo to the accounts. I don't remember any of their information by now. 

[dylanskie 122]

1 hour ago, Holko said:

Right, maxing out everyone in the area and getting zero matches sure does that! (Based on a friend's experience of course)

 

Tell your friend to get a second opinion on the photos they choose, then tell them to remake their account and see what happens. 

 

Then, maybe your friend will have a better chance against those other guys who have their personal photographer follow them around everywhere--to the gym, to their music festivals, and to their college roommate's dad's old-money mansion in the Bahamas. But the joke is on the people who like these guys, since they're only good for one thing--they know how to pose in front of a camera to attract the most attention, and that's it. 

 

[gkgyver 1,647]

The first time I tried a dating "thing" was back 8 or 9 years ago. It was one of these deals where you sent a text message to a subscription service, and in return, you got dating profiles via text message, one profile per text, several a day. 

Needless to say, close to 80% of them were bait profiles, but I was lucky because just after one week or so, I texted back and forth with a girl that short time later would become my girlfriend, who then sadly lost our child, but I can't say I had bad experience with digital dating. 

As a guy, you have to live with tons of fake profiles trying to get your money. 

[Jill Sandwich 11,030]

I've rooted a few shielas I met on Tinder, Bumble and OKC, most recently a 40-year-old from Argentina! And the great thing about her is she doesn't want kids either, she just wants to keep rooting until she carks it.

[mrbellamy 8,062]

1 hour ago, dylanskie said:

Tell your friend to get a second opinion on the photos they choose, then tell them to remake their account and see what happens. 

 

Then, maybe your friend will have a better chance against those other guys who have their personal photographer follow them around everywhere--to the gym, to their music festivals, and to their college roommate's dad's old-money mansion in the Bahamas. But the joke is on the people who like these guys, since they're only good for one thing--they know how to pose in front of a camera to attract the most attention, and that's it. 

 

When I first tried Tinder I went like 3 months with no matches. I read some blogs and Reddit threads and also tried Photofeeler.com which helped. I had photos I thought were decent that got a 3/10 average on there....the ones I use now got like 6-8 and have been working fine. Mostly I just needed to have the same haircut in all my pics, no hats, no sunglasses, no selfies, all smiling, different locations, doing stuff I like. Also crucial, a picture with my parents' dog.

 

7 hours ago, Gruesome Son of a Bitch said:

I haven't done online dating since it was first a thing many years ago, which resulted in an extremely awkward date hiking in the woods where I felt like a serial killer. 

 

I always try to pick somewhere extremely public specifically because this thought is always in my head haha. Summers are the best because there's always a festival or some shit going on. 

 

I did feel like there was a learning curve to dating apps. It has kind of a weird etiquette. And again photos make a difference. Plus location, I'm about 60 miles away from Chicago and at the rate I'm going I get a match every couple weeks. Whereas whenever I've signed in downtown, I get a few matches that day. 

 

Out of all the apps I've tried I like Hinge best. I've gotten the most actual dates from there, girls seem more into having conversations, I like that it has personality questions that you can comment on and send directly to her inbox. Even if she's way out of my league at least I can shoot my shot with anyone. Mindless swiping gets sad after awhile.  

 

And about scammers, I had a co-worker openly admit she just used Tinder to get guys to Venmo her or buy her pizza and then would ghost em. She said it works all the time. One girl asked me to pay to fix her car.

[Jill Sandwich 11,030]

Why are selfies considered a no-no? Most of the time there's no-one else around to take your photo, so you just have to do it yourself. How can that be bad?

[dylanskie 122]

47 minutes ago, mrbellamy said:

When I first tried Tinder I went like 3 months with no matches. I read some blogs and Reddit threads and also tried Photofeeler.com which helped. I had photos I thought were decent that got a 3/10 average on there....the ones I use now got like 6-8 and have been working fine. Mostly I just needed to have the same haircut in all my pics, no hats, no sunglasses, no selfies, all smiling, different locations, doing stuff I like. Also crucial, a picture with my parents' dog.

 

I've never heard of photofeeler.com, but I'll check it out... it's kind of crazy that there's a site like that that actually exists out there. I guess it makes sense that you shouldn't have sunglasses, you shouldn't be wearing hats, etc. since that blocks people from seeing what you actually look like. Knowing how to choose the right pictures is just a necessary evil if you want to get something out of dating apps. And I've heard that Hinge is good too--one of my friends said that she thinks it's the best one.

 

44 minutes ago, Þekþiþm said:

Why are selfies considered a no-no? Most of the time there's no-one else around to take your photo, so you just have to do it yourself. How can that be bad?

 

I feel like you kind of answered your own question. People are generally (not always, but generally) interested in people who seem to be friendly and have friends--and those friends can take pictures of them. But I think the main reason is because selfies look less professional, and people can't see your whole body or how tall you are.

[Jill Sandwich 11,030]

6 minutes ago, dylanskie said:

I feel like you kind of answered your own question. People are generally (not always, but generally) interested in people who seem to be friendly and have friends--and those friends can take pictures of them. But I think the main reason is because selfies look less professional, and people can't see your whole body or how tall you are.

 

But that's the reason they invented the selfie camera on your telephone, because everyone finds themselves in situations where there's no-one else around. Plus what if you don't trust anyone else to get your angle right? Sometimes you only photograph well from a certain angle, therefore you need to operate the camera yourself to get it just right. Sometimes your mates are just crappy photographers too and their images are unusable.

[dylanskie 122]

35 minutes ago, Þekþiþm said:

But that's the reason they invented the selfie camera on your telephone, because everyone finds themselves in situations where there's no-one else around. Plus what if you don't trust anyone else to get your angle right? Sometimes you only photograph well from a certain angle, therefore you need to operate the camera yourself to get it just right. Sometimes your mates are just crappy photographers too and their images are unusable.

 

But can you get your entire body in a selfie? Usually not! Obviously I see what you're saying and I agree, but I'm not the one who made the rules of taking pictures for online dating apps. You (not you specifically) can spend all day saying you don't agree with the rules, but at the end of the day, you'll only get a bunch of matches or whatever if you follow the rules.

 

That being said, I believe that the "right person" won't care about all these rules, and they'd still like you even if you had half your face in a selfie. I guess it just depends on what you use it for.

[Jill Sandwich 11,030]

35 minutes ago, dylanskie said:

 

But can you get your entire body in a selfie?

 

That's why they invented selfie sticks!

[Holko 12,019]

I don't think I've ever done a selfie. And I never have it taken if I can avoid it so basically I only appear on family summer holiday photos!

[Quintus 6,319]

Dabbled with online dating when it was still fairly young (before Tinder), and it's well worth doing. Just go about it casually, not expecting much and you will reap the benefits. Like Jay said, it can put a dent in your pocket because of all the gentlemanly paying, but if you score then it's money well spent, right? Don't go on there pining for love (women hate that) and instead use it to simply get out on the scene and be in their company, and take advantage of the perks that come with it. Eventually, the lovey dovey stuff should come naturally, when you meet the right one.

[mrbellamy 8,062]

Yeah and expect your share of cancellations and ghosting. It's disappointing if I felt like we were getting along, but I do have to consider she's deciding whether or not to go out into the night with some random man. It's even a step further than a blind date because we have no mutual friends. I'm basically happy if I can at least get a kiss out of the deal. 

 

7 hours ago, dylanskie said:

I feel like you kind of answered your own question. People are generally (not always, but generally) interested in people who seem to be friendly and have friends--and those friends can take pictures of them. But I think the main reason is because selfies look less professional, and people can't see your whole body or how tall you are.

 

That's the impression I get, that I guess if a profile is all selfies it looks like you have no friends. Or that you're a bit full of yourself, which isn't always a turn-off to be fair.

 

It's either not true or a double standard because their profiles are loaded with selfies. But I usually use the timer if I'm taking a selfie for an app.

[Jill Sandwich 11,030]

Hang on... why is a woman allowed loads of selfies but not a man?

[Quintus 6,319]

I used to use selfies, and I ain't no oil painting. Just don't make yourself look like a weird cunt and you'll be fine.

[#SnowyVernalSpringsEternal 12,173]

Always make sure you have a dick pic ready when needed!

 

This is mine:

 

 

[Jill Sandwich 11,030]

Reminds me of that movie Killer Kondom.

[Koray Savas 2,260]

17 hours ago, King Mark said:

Good way to get scammed

 

I have a cousin that died recently and we found out she was conned in sending  50000$ to a professional scammer based in Ivory Coast who created a fake identity (fake pictures and profile) and used emotional manipulation over time to get what he wanted .Seems it took her 2 years to figure it out

Those scams are easy to spot from a mile away. Sorry to say that some people are just so desperate that they follow them blindly. 

[#SnowyVernalSpringsEternal 12,173]

Don't ever send money to a person you haven't actually met for real.

 

Don't actually show them your junk through pictures or video before you have met them and before you know its appreciated and reciprocated.

 

Don't blindly trust everything the person is telling you.

 

Online dating is easy and safe if you stick to these principles.

[Xander Harris 9,546]

I have 13 likes but I can't see them unless I pay for it.

[Jill Sandwich 11,030]

Act as aloof as possible. Don't want to seem too eager.

[#SnowyVernalSpringsEternal 12,173]

41 minutes ago, Gruesome Son of a Bitch said:

I have 13 likes but I can't see them unless I pay for it.

 

Free sites like Badoo are a pain in the ass but workable if you put in the time and effort. 

 

The main problem is the women on their are naturally cautious or suspicious. Its hard to connect.

[dylanskie 122]

37 minutes ago, Gruesome Son of a Bitch said:

I have 13 likes but I can't see them unless I pay for it.

 

Oh, good! Yeah, if you're using Tinder, you have to pay to see who exactly liked you, but you can still swipe on them as you're going through other people--you just won't know who they are. I wouldn't recommend this just because it's kind of counterproductive, but if you swipe right on everyone, then you'll know who those people are once you're through everyone (assuming the people who liked you haven't moved outside your distance range or deleted their account).

[Nick Parker 3,049]

27 minutes ago, dylanskie said:

 

Oh, good! Yeah, if you're using Tinder, you have to pay to see who exactly liked you, but you can still swipe on them as you're going through other people--you just won't know who they are. I wouldn't recommend this just because it's kind of counterproductive, but if you swipe right on everyone, then you'll know who those people are once you're through everyone (assuming the people who liked you haven't moved outside your distance range or deleted their account).

 

I would caution against this because Tinder has an invisible scoring algorithm, and you get docked if you swipe right on everyone. 

 

Though it can seem tempting, especially when you have like 10+ likes and after weeks of swiping haven't found a single one of them, I highly caution against paying for dating apps.

[dylanskie 122]

26 minutes ago, Nick Parker said:

 

I would caution against this because Tinder has an invisible scoring algorithm, and you get docked if you swipe right on everyone. 

 

Though it can seem tempting, especially when you have like 10+ likes and after weeks of swiping haven't found a single one of them, I highly caution against paying for dating apps.

 

That makes sense that they'd do that. And I completely agree that you shouldn't pay for dating apps--one thing can lead to another, and you might find yourself somewhere else getting scammed for a bunch of money.

 

Well, I believe that everyone finds the person they're meant to be with at the right time, and that being desperate only hurts yourself. A lot of people have told me that it happens when you least expect it.

[Wojo 2,458]

2 hours ago, Koray Savas said:

Those scams are easy to spot from a mile away. Sorry to say that some people are just so desperate that they follow them blindly. 

 

TBH, his cousin was sending money to a guy in Ivory Coast. It's Nigeria that everyone knows is the scammer country. 

 

Lol. 

 

Years back I used:

OkCupid, which has a free option and required a login to search profiles;

Cupid, which had a pay wall to check messages;

PlentyOfFish, which was free but I think they also wanted money to check messages. 

 

I never used eHarmony, and Tinder didn't exist until after I got twitterpated. 

[Quintus 6,319]

Don't forget one thing about free versus paid - some women will be put off by the idea of free sites as they have their own perception of the sort of men they attract. And it's possible the same could be said for some of the female accounts on there too.

[#SnowyVernalSpringsEternal 12,173]

My sister showed me some of the texts she got. Men are pigs!

[King Mark 3,927]

3 hours ago, woj said:

 

TBH, his cousin was sending money to a guy in Ivory Coast. It's Nigeria that everyone knows is the scammer country. 

 

Don't underestimate how stupid and gullible some people are using the internet. Apparently this type of "love scam" is very common and based in Ivory Coast and have an elaborate system to trap people. I think about half the population is stupid enough to believe anything they are told wihtout fact checking

[Wojo 2,458]

I understand. I get spam emails from Amazon via my non-Amazon account about tracking of packages that I don't have outstanding. And from Netflix but with a calculus integral symbol as the F. 

 

§tupid

[King Mark 3,927]

I ordered something from Amazon yesterday and it was supposed to be delivered next Wednesday. I got a tracking email this morning saying my package had been delivered with a link to "rate" the shipping service.  I wondered how they managed to time a fake email so well but I opened my door and the parcel was there!

[Jill Sandwich 11,030]

Anyone else remember the "i love you" virus from about 20 years ago?

[Xander Harris 9,546]

Viruses like that are what led to me becoming so vigilant with my online activity. I rarely even open emails ever since.

[Jill Sandwich 11,030]

I spent 20 years trying to get us ready for this. We used their technology strengthen our planet. But it won't be enough.

[Xander Harris 9,546]

I've spent 80 years looking for another way. Believe me. This is the only one.

[Jill Sandwich 11,030]

Careful! Careful. This is a hundred years old.

[mstrox 7,339]

On 2/1/2020 at 1:59 PM, woj said:

I met my wife on OkCupid. We both used the free version. We emailed for four months before meeting and have been inseparable ever since. 

same exact story for me, except we met after a week or so.

[Xander Harris 9,546]

I want to meet someone. 

[Koray Savas 2,260]

6 hours ago, King Mark said:

Don't underestimate how stupid and gullible some people are using the internet. Apparently this type of "love scam" is very common and based in Ivory Coast and have an elaborate system to trap people. I think about half the population is stupid enough to believe anything they are told wihtout fact checking

I work at a bank and I see people fall victim to so many scams it’s insane. People that willingly hand out online banking passwords etc. Sad part is that when you do all of that type of stuff under your own volition, you’re responsible for the money you lost. 

[Nick Parker 3,049]

33 minutes ago, Koray Savas said:

I work at a bank and I see people fall victim to so many scams it’s insane. People that willingly hand out online banking passwords etc. Sad part is that when you do all of that type of stuff under your own volition, you’re responsible for the money you lost. 

 

 

 

[Deacon Blues 67]

2 hours ago, Koray Savas said:

I work at a bank and I see people fall victim to so many scams it’s insane. People that willingly hand out online banking passwords etc. Sad part is that when you do all of that type of stuff under your own volition, you’re responsible for the money you lost. 

Really? People still fall for that stuff in 2020? I thought the majority of people would be smarter than that by now.

[#SnowyVernalSpringsEternal 12,173]

People are not smart.

[Jurassic Shark 16,355]

I have never considered dating an app.

 

20 hours ago, Quintus said:

I used to use selfies, and I ain't no oil painting. Just don't make yourself look like a weird cunt and you'll be fine.

 

Yeah, you're more like an... aquarelle?

 

8 hours ago, mstrox said:

same exact story for me, except we met after a week or so.

 

WHOA! And you think woj is OK with that?