Relationship status

[BLUMENKOHL 1,110]

Inevitability is a big word in things like this. Often used as an excuse for bad behavior.

It suggest a lack of control. Lack of control is always bad.

Consider the fact that seconds before you consciously decided to type that, your brain lit up said "I will type this.".

And then come tell me about control.

[#SnowyVernalSpringsEternal 12,388]

I am in complete control right now, and probably the one person here that is not offended by another persons beliefs on this matter.

You and Lee have been grasping to defend yourselves for hours now, both claiming annoyance with me.

And I've had no such negative feelings at all. (apart from my default "Lee is a bit of a twat, but in a lovable way")

[BLUMENKOHL 1,110]

I am in complete control right now

False!

You've been watching too much Star Trek.

[Quintus 6,499]

Inevitability is a big word in things like this. Often used as an excuse for bad behavior.

It suggest a lack of control. Lack of control is always bad.

First time sex with a friend isn't watched over by angels, Steef. Lack of control is bad? We're talking about free spirits here, are we not? Do I detect pseudo-regimented principles?

[#SnowyVernalSpringsEternal 12,388]

I dont even understand what that means

[Quintus 6,499]

I am in complete control right now, and probably the one person here that is not offended by another persons beliefs on this matter.

You and Lee have been grasping to defend yourselves for hours now, both claiming annoyance with me.

No Stefan, you're imagining this, I promise you that now. Nobody is offended, we're all calm here as far as I can tell. Why would I feel the need to defend myself? It's a discussion, and and interesting one at that. Are you still okay with it?

The annoyance thing earlier was unrelated, and was a direct result of your preachy agony aunt routine, that's all

[#SnowyVernalSpringsEternal 12,388]

Its just because i know better then you.

Trust me.

[Quintus 6,499]

I dont even understand what that means

You suddenly shifted to short, immediate sentences. Which is what you do when you mean to be clear about something. It's how you emphasise yourself here. The content of which on this occasion was rather blunt, with grimly serious overtones. But it was also flippant and broad in generalisation at the same time, which I found to be quite intriguing.

Its just because i know better then you.

Trust me.

Not sure if you're being completely serious. If so, is it important to you that I accept your knowledge and wisdom on this matter?

[Jill Sandwich 11,168]

This thread's an orgy of seriousness.

[Quintus 6,499]

Sex is never far away, as it turns out.

[Jill Sandwich 11,168]

Yeah, hearing the couple next door at 1am can be a nightmare.

[#SnowyVernalSpringsEternal 12,388]

Not sure if you're being completely serious. If so, is it important to you that I accept your knowledge and wisdom on this matter?

I have been advising you all day my friend. It's just that you don't read subtext very well.

You suddenly shifted to short, immediate sentences. Which is what you do when you mean to be clear about something. It's how you emphasise yourself here. The content of which on this occasion was rather blunt, with grimly serious overtones. But it was also flippant and broad in generalisation at the same time, which I found to be quite intriguing.

It could also mean a switch from my PC to my tablet.....

But your attitude towards friendship and women is certainly of interest to me. In a personal way.

[Quintus 6,499]

You've been advising me? In regards to what dude?

[#SnowyVernalSpringsEternal 12,388]

Friendship....

Goodnight guys!

[Quintus 6,499]

Hmm.

In that case advising wasn't the right word to use. I'd have preferred 'sharing'.

Good night.

[BLUMENKOHL 1,110]

Well.

I'm done here. Wife is looking sexy. Must attend to matters.

[Jill Sandwich 11,168]

I have been and always shall be... your friend.

[Quintus 6,499]

Well.

I'm done here. Wife is looking sexy. Must attend to matters.

Chance would be a fine thing! My poor suffering gf is currently trying to steal as much shut-eye as she can before the wailing starts up again...

Living the life and all that

[Ren 77]

That def stinks sorry man.

[Quintus 6,499]

Lol it's just part of the process, as you know. Take it in our stride etc etc. The main thing that gets me more than anything else is the constant noise! I honestly don't know how people cope with four and five children at any one time, because it's beyond my ability.

[#SnowyVernalSpringsEternal 12,388]

When i have my child the first purchase will be noise canceling headphones for my iPod.

Thankfully i am a very very deep sleeper, so it would be the mum doing most of the night duty....

I need my beauty sleep. While my child's mother will already by stunningly gorgeous anyway. Even after only 2 hours sleep, with the rest of the night spend either breastfeeding my child or me....

[Koray Savas 2,260]

Steef has a point, but so do Blume and Lee. Like Steef said, there's a difference between feeling that attraction and acting upon it. A few of my closest friends are women, one married to an ever closer friend. If one day she said "Let's have sex!" I'd be out the door. In Romao's case, it seems that his best friend's boyfriend doesn't trust her whatsoever. A relationship without trust may as well end on the spot instead of dragging it out to it's inevitable end.

In my experience, (as well as friends who've screwed up multiple relationships with adultery): the false sense of security provided by the distinction of "feelings" and "actions" is exactly what results in the "oops" situations arising.

It's very easy to create a distinction between what you feel and how you will act in your head when you sit analyzing from the comforts of a chair by yourself. We are all very righteous people with a fully belly, a relatively unstressed brain, while sitting in a nice comfy chair. It's another thing to be in a situation where your reason and morality aren't in full control.

Now imagine you just had a huge argument with your girlfriend, a big one, the kind that makes you question if you'll be together tomorrow. You're also very angry at her. Very emotional. Let's say on top of that you had some alcohol to help you cope a little bit.

You're with your friend, she's had some alcohol. Sees you're stressed. Doesn't say outright say "Let's have sex!" but starts caressing you, giving you little kisses.

You think you'd still be out there door huh?

Yes, because I'm a good friend. Seems like you'd throw out years of trust and good faith to get laid by your best friend's wife. These people have gone out of their way to help me in ways no one has. I wouldn't give all of that up for nothing. I'd take a bullet for either one, and I know they'd do the same for me.

[BLUMENKOHL 1,110]

My god the saccharine is killing me.

http://phys.org/news168523630.html

Whether it's highlighted in major news headlines about Argentinean affairs and Ponzi schemes, or in personal battles with obesity and drug addiction, individuals regularly succumb to greed, lust and self-destructive behaviors. New research from the Kellogg School of Management examines why this is the case, and demonstrates that individuals believe they have more restraint than they actually possess--ultimately leading to poor decision-making.

The study, led by Loran Nordgren, senior lecturer of management and organizations at the Kellogg School, examined how an individual's belief in his/her ability to control impulses such as greed, drug craving and sexual arousal influenced responses to temptation. The research found the sample, on average, displayed a "restraint bias," causing individuals to miscalculate the amount of temptation they could truly handle, in turn leading to a greater likelihood of indulging impulsive or addictive behavior.

"People are not good at anticipating the power of their urges, and those who are the most confident about their self-control are the most likely to give into temptation," said Nordgren. "The key is simply to avoid any situations where vices and other weaknesses thrive and, most importantly, for individuals to keep a humble view of their willpower."

In developing their case, the study's authors cited previous research demonstrating that people often have difficulty appreciating the power of impulsive states. People in a "cold state" (not experiencing hunger, anger, sexual arousal, etc.) tend to underestimate how a "hot," impulsive state will influence their behavior. To expand upon these findings, the study authors set out to test whether:

• People in a cold, non-impulsive state will overestimate their ability to control impulses
  
• People in a hot, impulsive state will have a more realistic view of their capacity for impulse control
  
• People who perceive they have a high capacity for impulse control will expose themselves to more temptation and will ultimately exhibit more impulsive behavior
  

To test their hypotheses, the researchers conducted four experiments focusing on hunger, addiction and mental fatigue. Each experiment resulted in significant "restraint bias."

For example, one experiment focused on cigarette addiction found those who overestimated their capacity for self-control were much more likely to smoke a cigarette after simply watching a movie about smoking. Another experiment centered on hunger. Results found a satiated group was significantly less likely to return snacks than a hungry group who limited their temptation by choosing less appealing snacks.

"A system which assumes people will control themselves is going to fall prey to this restraint bias; we expose ourselves to more temptation than is wise, and subsequently we have millions of people suffering with obesity, addictions and other unhealthy lifestyles," said Nordgren. "And, while our study focused on personal behaviors like smoking and eating, it is easy to apply our findings to a broader context. Understanding the power of temptation, you might also ask about the extent to which we need oversight or regulatory guidelines for business and political leaders."

Furthermore, this research suggests observers should think twice before judging those who fall prey to temptation because most people overestimate their capacity to control their own impulses, Nordgren concluded.

[Wojo 2,458]

I pulled this from the Middle Earth poll thread so as to not derail it.

Second, third, fourth love just doesn't taste the same.

I never thought about this concept before, but it totally makes sense. I think that's why I don't miss my last few girlfriends as much as my very first. Damn.

About all I can hope to do is find someone for whom I am her first love and keep on amazing and impressing her.

[Henry B 51]

Hey, Blume, I don't think I ever claimed to be above temptation entirely. Did anyone here? I guess we just have different ideas about what situations lead to temptation, and what makes a member of the opposite sex attractive. Just being young and female isn't enough. Look - lest you think I'm trying to be holier-than-thou - there are indeed a couple friends and coworkers that I would be wary of getting close to, recognizing that I feel a degree of attraction to them (and maybe them to me). But then there are female friends for which that isn't an issue. Gay friends, too. I had a gay roommate junior year of college, and I never sensed anything but platonic feelings from him. I have another gay friend who flirts with me all the time and makes friendship difficult, since even without reciprocating I could end up playing to his desires. There are all sorts.

So to recap: don't entertain situations that would make you cheat, but don't shut yourself away because you're afraid of feeling something that you don't actually feel. Don't hide your feelings, but don't let them be dictated by a scientific generalization.

[Wojo 2,458]

I'd be worried if I had a gay friend who was only interested in me platonically.

What are you trying to say? I'm ugly? You don't think I'm all that? It's not me, it's you!

[Romão 2,473]

As many of you know, I design LEGO models for a living. As my work is pretty much all done on a laptop, it doesn't really make any difference where I work. I normally work at the local library. So I was there today as usual, and got a phonecall from Diana asking if I would be working there today. I said yes and she met me there and we worked side by side all afternoon. Nothing weird about it specifially, the conversations and interactions were all very spontaneous and natural, but I came back home with this huge sense of failure enveloping me. I really can't put it any other way.

Perhaps it was a feeling that all this is good, but it's enough? I actually dread the implications of this...

[Jay 46,244]

Tread lightly! And also, make sure you are not available every single time she inquires if you are

[BLUMENKOHL 1,110]

Hey, Blume, I don't think I ever claimed to be above temptation entirely. Did anyone here? I guess we just have different ideas about what situations lead to temptation, and what makes a member of the opposite sex attractive. Just being young and female isn't enough. Look - lest you think I'm trying to be holier-than-thou - there are indeed a couple friends and coworkers that I would be wary of getting close to, recognizing that I feel a degree of attraction to them (and maybe them to me). But then there are female friends for which that isn't an issue. Gay friends, too. I had a gay roommate junior year of college, and I never sensed anything but platonic feelings from him. I have another gay friend who flirts with me all the time and makes friendship difficult, since even without reciprocating I could end up playing to his desires. There are all sorts.

So to recap: don't entertain situations that would make you cheat, but don't shut yourself away because you're afraid of feeling something that you don't actually feel. Don't hide your feelings, but don't let them be dictated by a scientific generalization.

Henry, I think we agree, it's just getting drowned out by the arguments at our extremes.

[Henry B 51]

My bad, yo.

[#SnowyVernalSpringsEternal 12,388]

Tread lightly! And also, make sure you are not available every single time she inquires if you are

I agree. This is something i actually do deliberately with my ex (and possible she with me).

Sometimes I'm busy while i really am not.

Sometimes i am simply not in the mood.

[Romão 2,473]

She's leaving tomorrow for Lisbon. There was absolutely no contact on either part today. I try to think that whatever happens, things are really out of my hands

[#SnowyVernalSpringsEternal 12,388]

I try to think that whatever happens, things are really out of my hands

That is how it should be. Trying to force it either way does not work my friend.

Let go to some extent, you can not control the outcome, only your behaviour.

Sometimes you gotta put your trust in Fate, however hard that is.

[Romão 2,473]

Yes, it's the only thing to do.

I'm a religious person, as you know. I have to believe that things will work out for the best. And the best is not necessarily what I think I want at the moment

[#SnowyVernalSpringsEternal 12,388]

I am not a Religious person, as you know.

But i agree with you and feel the same way.

You cant always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you just might find. You get what you need.

Its a song....

[Romão 2,473]

Very much so, Steef

[crocodile 9,724]

Just wanted to say I'm really enjoying reading this discussion. Some of you display a sensitive side that is quite surprising to me.

Karol

[#SnowyVernalSpringsEternal 12,388]

Not me!

[KK 3,313]

Just wanted to say I'm really enjoying reading this discussion. Some of you display a sensitive side that is quite surprising to me.

Karol

Indeed, I enjoy reading the great discussions in this thread as well.

[Romão 2,473]

Two months ago, I was forced to close down my LEGO Social Enterprise. It was due to reasons largely out of my control. I still don't know what I'll do with my life, but I will try all I can to keep on doing what I do. It hasn't helped the healing process one bit

[#SnowyVernalSpringsEternal 12,388]

Sorry to hear that. Its sucks to have nothing to do

[Romão 2,473]

I'll try to salvage my career in this field. It's really the only thing I'm good in

[#SnowyVernalSpringsEternal 12,388]

I tried that too. So far no luck. Not sure ill be able to ever earn money doing the work i love.

[Quintus 6,499]

Building Lego?

[#SnowyVernalSpringsEternal 12,388]

In Romao's case yes. Printing for me

[Quintus 6,499]

Hmm, maybe Romao's career building Lego isn't really a realistic longterm life decision.

[#SnowyVernalSpringsEternal 12,388]

Why not? Lego is a huge global phenomenon that has endured for many decades. Its a very niche profession surely. But people have built thriving careers from unusual jobs.

[Quintus 6,499]

Are you a fool? He just said he had to close it down...

Really Stefan, THINK.

[#SnowyVernalSpringsEternal 12,388]

These days im trying hard not to, when it comes to jobs.

[Romão 2,473]

We'll see, I might be able to secure some projects to support me at least during the next 12 months or so.

This is some of my past work (sorry for the shameless plug-in, but I could use some validation, right now):