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JoeinAR

Got new A.I. print today, How should I destroy it?

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Received my 8th copy of A.I. film print today. Thanks again Sis.

SO, I was wondering how I should destroy it. I want to be original, but lets be real its the eight time to ruin one of these things and there are only so manys to do it.headscratch.gif

So here are the other 7 ways I destroyed copies of this film

I suppose I could do it as a webcam telecast. Make it a net event.

I wish Figo were close, we could make it a duet of destruction. I am sure he would enjoy doing it as well.

Anyway, how 'bout some suggestions. The more evil the better.

Thanks

Joe, by the way got 2 dozen A.I dvd's and was able to wipe the film from the disc. They have since been put back in circulation.

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I wish Figo were close, we could make it a duet of destruction.

Couldn't we invite Ricard and make it a pas de trois?

Anyway, my idea is a modification of something I read in the Errol Flynn autobiography, My Wicked, Wicked Ways, only he used geese. First, we tie a piece of fat to the end of the reel and leave it on Spielberg's desk. Spielberg wanders in, sees the tasty morsel lying on his blotter, finds it irresistible, and swallows it up, leaving a strand of celluloid draping from his lips, which of course is connected to the remainder of reel. Now, this particular type of fat is very difficult to digest, so when the time comes, Spielberg passes it whole, with the film still attached. The strip now protrudes from the entrance and from the exit, if you get my meaning.

Suddenly, quite unexpectedly, his pal George Lucas drops by to discuss how he plans to destroy the Indiana Jones series, when something catches his attention, out of the corner of his eye. A nice, succulent cube of fat! Lucas gets down on his hands and knees and scarfs it up. Before long, he too feels the call of nature, and suddenly the two directors find themselves strung together like a couple of pieces of popcorn on a homemade Christmas garland.

A short while later, there comes a knock on the door. Spielberg slurs out of the corner of his mouth, "Come in!" Wouldn't you know, it's Francis Ford Coppola, looking for his old buddy George Lucas, trying to get some advice on how he can suppress all the prints of the original Apocalypse Now. Before he can utter a sentence, however, he spies the glistening wad of fat, and leaps upon it like a cat upon a mouse. The opening moments of A.I. now begin at Coppola, pass through Lucas, and wend through Spielberg's digestive track to meet the reel, which is still in Spielberg's hands.

Another knock at the door. It's Richard Donner! "Hey, guys," he starts to say, "You were completely right about Superman -- the original theatrical version was lame. I'm so glad I followed your example and --" He breaks off suddenly.

"Is that a -- cube of fat?"

Steven, George, and Francis reply in unison, "Blahmlll-amul-mallll..."

Before they can dissuade him, Donner is on it, and the image of a middle-aged William Hurt flickers as if seen through a zoetrope as it slithers down the director's gullet, sluices through the stomach acid and eventually passes out through his small intestine.

The four directors now resemble a blasphemous centipede, each of them tenderly maneuvering to extract their mouths from their precursors' behinds. Someone chokes out something which may have been a request to call in a secretary, but Spielberg vetoes the idea. After all, they are the directors -- they should know best what is to be done! Isn't this Steven's film. Shouldn't he be allowed to do with it what he likes? At that, came a reassuring pat on the back from George.

Suddenly, another knock. It's William Friedkin! "Hey, fellas! I was just passing by and thought I'd stop in to see if Steven had eaten lunch." He laughs sadistically. "Yeah, and then I started to think about how I used to terrorize Jason Miller and Ellen Burnstyn on the set of The Exorcist. Oh, that's rich! Thank God you can no longer find the original cut on the store shelves."

Then, like a crow, he tilts an eye toward something reflective. It is, of course, the wad of fat, taken on an even finer sheen having passed through the intestines of four of the greatest American directors of the 1970s. Before any of them could get out an intelligible warning, Friedkin had become the fifth car on the A.I. pleasure train.

"Ooh," they all moaned. And if they could speak so that they might be understood, they would have said, "Dear, merciful Lord -- we are so sorry that we set ourselves up as false gods before You, and that we second-guessed the moviegoing public and decided we knew what was good for them, even to the extent of tampering with decades of collective memory. If only You could see Your way to let us out of this mess, we will restore the original versions of our masterpieces to video store shelves, and make them available on DVD, and we will never do anything as insulting as change the titles on our most famous movies so that they are known to future generations by stupidities such as A New Hope and Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark."

But God looked down upon them with a cold eye. He'd heard it all before, like when Francis vowed he would never consider suppressing the original cut of Apocalypse Now. God, of course, is an enormous movie buff, and has taken particular displeasure in the decadence of Hollywood cinema over the past twenty years.

"Hear Me, oh directors of Hollywood!" he bellowed. "I am that I am! In demonstrating your contempt for your early masterpieces and for audiences the world over, you have succumbed to the temptations of sloth. When you were unable to formulate new ideas, you fell upon your old ones, like dogs to their vomit. When you beheld the false promise of Mammon, in the form of box office receipts and DVD sales, you set upon your own children with daggers in your hands. Oh you directors of Hollywood! Have you anything to say in your defense?"

To which they replied, "Blahmlll-amul-mallll..."

And the Lord was wrath. He touched a pale blue finger to the morsel of fat that lay glistening in its own juices, and the juices of Steven, George, Francis, Richard, and William, and the finger glowed. A shaft of light emerged from His enormous cuticle, and from the wad of fat arose a column of fire. This, in turn, touched off the highly combustible celluloid, and the infernal jet raced up the fuse straight for Friedkin's colon. Their muddled screams filled the air, as Friedkin vomitted fire into Donner's anus, and their buttocks parted one by one like the Red Sea to make way for the purifying fire of God. When the molten celluoid came at last to Spielberg and he could feel it scorching at his innards -- in those final moments before his beard erupted into hideous conflagration -- he could be heard to shriek, as the final residue of A.I. drifted off like ash upon an unseen breeze, "It's beeeeeautiful!!!!"

Then the Angel of Death swept them all into her gut-encrusted talons and dumped their charred remains into the Pit of Hell.

THE END

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LOL! I love the 7 ways. Here are my pics:

Leave it on the freeway. Watch in delight with a video camera as cars run over it.

Set it on fire and throw it over the fence onto Speilberg's yard.

Put it in the dryer. Tumble.

Put it in a pot of water and set to boil.

Sh!t on it.

Tie a string to your back bumper and quick cement the string to the tape and drag the sucker.

If you have any friends in the army, have them strap it to a bomb for the al-quida or how ever you spell that.

Under the back tire- run over- repeat if necessary.

cover it in gasoline, not close to anything, leed a strint from you to it and lite the string. BOOM!

Old fasion way, just go to an empty lot and throw it as high as you can a few times.

Look for what is left of rockets from the 4th of July and tie it to one and LUANCH! POP! Also bring the video camera for us. Reminds me of a web site that i heard of that finds different ways to destroy the Wesley Crucher ST: TNG doll.

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Oooo... I like the dryer idea. :) The freeway one is good too. (But you have to get a dryer with a window so you can film it. Or somehow mount a camera inside, but that would be expensive.)

BTW: putting back into the market DVDs with the movie wiped off of them is plain wrong. You may not like the movie, but other people do, and if they pay $$$ for the DVDs, they expect that they will be in working condition.

Evan, who likes AI (don't worship it though), but doesn't yell at people who don't.

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Oooo... I like the dryer idea. :) The freeway one is good too. (But you have to get a dryer with a window so you can film it. Or somehow mount a camera inside, but that would be expensive.)

BTW: putting back into the market DVDs with the movie wiped off of them is plain wrong. You may not like the movie, but other people do, and if they pay $$$ for the DVDs, they expect that they will be in working condition.

Evan, who likes AI (don't worship it though), but doesn't yell at people who don't.

Yeah, I hate those people who yell. :D

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Figo, you are absolutely INSANE :)

That was so funny. To paraphrase Ron Weasley, that was Bloody Brilliant.

As for the dryer method.

Intriguing, except my homeowner's insurance probably wouldn't cover ther repair afterwards.

Joe, who had a dream that certain MB members(Chris, Alan, tpigeon, KM, and Morn,as I imagined how each of you look ) had captured me and bound me much like Malcolm McDowell in A Clockwork Orange, and forced me to watch A.I. over and over, as a form of therapy. With my eyes forced open, I could not turn away and thus reluctantly gave into the torturous treatment. In the end I loved A.I., my love was real, but then I woke and it was a bad dream. That and the big wet yellow puddle in the middle of the bed.

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Joe, who had a dream that certain MB members(Chris, Alan, tpigeon, KM, and Morn,as I imagined how each of you look ) had captured me and bound me much like Malcolm McDowell in A Clockwork Orange, and forced me to watch A.I. over and over, as a form of therapy. With my eyes forced open, I could not turn away and thus reluctantly gave into the torturous treatment. In the end I loved A.I., my love was real, but then I woke and it was a bad dream. That and the big wet yellow puddle in the middle of the bed.

:)

I shall be dreaming of that too.

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Joe, this thread keeps giving me visions of the rally scene from Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. I wish I could laugh at the destruction of a film, but film history and preservation is very important to me. I wouldn't even want to destroy a frame of Battlefield Earth.

Neil

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Couldn't we invite Ricard and make it a pas de trois?

Hey make bloody well sure you let me take part as well. I could be like the fourth musketeer Dartagnan tearing up the reels like no man ever could! ;)

Anyway here is my idea:

Cover the reels in some sugar water and feed it to the rats! bowdown

That can be the ONLY fitting way for that movie to be destroyed. Especially the final 15 minutes. "We can only bring back our subjects for a day due to the space time continuum"??? THE HELL IS THAT?? Me thinks Spielbiggy spent too much time around Lucas before writing this movie.

Anyway once that print has been defocated by the vermin it will have met a fitting end and we can truly celebrate. beerchug

The only reason I can see for not doing such a stunt would be that allowing even rats to digest a print of a film like A.I. might be considered cruelty to animals. :)

Can you tell I hate this movie? bowdown

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"We can only bring back our subjects for a day due to the space time continuum"??? THE HELL IS THAT?? Me thinks Spielbiggy spent too much time around Lucas before writing this movie.

It's bullshit by the supermecha to convince David to not want her back :) As that whole scene would have to be an illusion, the house would be long destroyed plus the clue of the grainy picture.

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Joe, this thread keeps giving me visions of the rally scene from Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade.  I wish I could laugh at the destruction of a film, but film history and preservation is very important to me.  I wouldn't even want to destroy a frame of Battlefield Earth.

Neil

Et to Brute'

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The movie was okay about half way threw, but then it lagged off. I my opinion, the movie should have ended with David in the police glider as the camera pulled away and he was frozen and the narration should be changed saying something like: "And he sat there generation after generation, frozen is time and the blue fairy watched over him, David, the robot that would be human."

A much better way i think. He lost his friend anroid that thepolice took and dies with is last and best friend Teddy. After all attempts to be human, he ultimately achieves part of it: He dies in vien trying to become something more.

NEW ENTRY: for detroying the A.I. tape.

See if you can somehow fanagle the chance to put in under the Space Shuttle and watch it insinerate.

Jettison it into outerspace and let the government test their new lasers on it.

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NEW ENTRY:  for detroying the A.I. tape.

See if you can somehow fanagle the chance to put in under the Space Shuttle and watch it insinerate.

Jettison it into outerspace and let the government test their new lasers on it.

that would certainly do it, but I am looking for something more

intimate.

Joe, who is forming an idea.

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Figo, you are absolutely INSANE  :)

That was so funny.  To paraphrase Ron Weasley, that was Bloody Brilliant.

Thanks Joe! In truth it could have been better. I didn't spend nearly as much time on it as Ren seems to think. Once the Muse is upon me... :)

The incident in the Flynn autobiography dealt with the very young Errol, on a farm in Tasmania, I believe. His mother would feed the geese scraps of leftovers, and he took note that they were never able to digest the fat, but rather passed it whole. However, just as soon as it was excreted, another ravenous goose would gobble it up. So the mischievous child formulated a plan to tie a piece of fat to a string, and in a short while he had himself a thread of geese -- for which trouble, of course, he got his ears boxed. Cruelty to animals, perhaps, but excellent reading. I highly recommend My Wicked, Wicked Ways. Flynn's life was every bit as exciting as one of his movies, especially the early years, before he came to Hollywood. A truly memorable experience. I must have read it six or seven years ago, and still think about it -- and burst out laughing -- from time to time.

Anyway, glad you enjoyed my embellishments. Nothing like a mix of the scatological and the blasphemous to bring on the belly laughs, especially when you've got an axe to grind.

I'm surprised, though, that Neil didn't love it. I threw in that joke about Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark just for him. Neil, Hitler destroyed art for political reasons, not because it was terrible. There are plenty of masterpieces that were smuggled out of Nazi Germany. I think it's clear, in this instance, that the opposite is the case. That is to say, A.I. is no masterpiece. (And that's putting it mildly, for someone who just burnt out William Friedkin's anus.) I see your point, but really, I was only just having myself a little fun.

If I ever revise this scenario -- which, admittedly, does contain flashes of [crude] wit -- I will have to work in an epilogue, in which Robert Wise gazes upon his cut of Star Trek The Motion Picture with mounting trepidation.

Figo, descendant of Swift and Rabelais.

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Someone who reads Harry Potter and Stephen King :)

If I wasn't already taken, well bestill my heart.

'Course your a Maine girl

Joe, who needs to get to Ogunquit and get some fried clams. Oh yeah and onion rings.

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Intimate? Let them let you press the Laser control button. Pretend it is the Death Star and you must destroy it!

Since i live about 1 minute from the beach, some new ideas came to mind:

Let it soak in Salt Water.

Cover it in bread or something and let the birds peck at it.

Tape it to a long metal pole durring a lightning storm and hope it gets hit in the worse way possible- ANYWAY! :-() bowdown

Make sure the video camera is rolling for the Kodak moment.

Bury it and dig it up several weeks later.

Please put pictures and streaming video of these wonderful events. ;-)

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Throw it into a dangerous animals cage at your local zoo.

Bake it in the oven or microwave.

Duck tape it onto your tire and drive.

Duck tape it to the bottom of your shoe and run.

Put it in a frequently used spitoon for a few days.

Put it in a toilet.

Pour gasoline on it and lite.

Tell us when you choose!

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Someone who reads Harry Potter and Stephen King :fouetaa:  

If I wasn't already taken, well bestill my heart.

'Course your a Maine girl

Joe, who needs to get to Ogunquit and get some fried clams.  Oh yeah and onion rings.

what a nice compliment :angry: didn't know if anyone would know that book. i love that book, it totally changes my aura everytime i read it or see the movie bowdown

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Figo, you are absolutely INSANE  :angry:

That was so funny.  To paraphrase Ron Weasley, that was Bloody Brilliant.

Thanks Joe! In truth it could have been better. I didn't spend nearly as much time on it as Ren seems to think. Once the Muse is upon me... :fouetaa:

The incident in the Flynn autobiography dealt with the very young Errol, on a farm in Tasmania, I believe.

Nice place, almost European in climate too :)

I'm surprised, though, that Neil didn't love it.  I threw in that joke about Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark just for him.  Neil, Hitler destroyed art for political reasons, not because it was terrible.  There are plenty of masterpieces that were smuggled out of Nazi Germany.  I think it's clear, in this instance, that the opposite is the case.  That is to say, A.I. is no masterpiece.  (And that's putting it mildly, for someone who just burnt out William Friedkin's anus.)  I see your point, but really, I was only just having myself a little fun.

That is only your opinion, just like it was the nazi's opinion that jews were terrible :P

If I ever revise this scenario -- which, admittedly, does contain flashes of [crude] wit -- I will have to work in an epilogue, in which Robert Wise gazes upon his cut of Star Trek The Motion Picture with mounting trepidation.

:)

Careful, dear, you left out the "R" (M-O-R-N).

bowdown

Morn - Who only has a problem with changes to films when they are bad changes

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Who said anything about Jews? The Nazis cracked down on plenty of gentiles, as well. Performances of Hindemith's opera Mathis der Maler -- a true masterpiece -- were declared verboten. And Hindemith was as "pure" a German as they came. But his modernism was a threat to the regime, at least in Hitler's eyes. It was entartete -- degenerate. Artists of every ethnicity and religious background fled for their lives. Even those who stayed and were absorbed into the party lived their lives in fear. Don't try to cloud the issue with your peculiar brand of Morn smartassery. This is about a shitty movie, not genocide. When we assert that all copies of A.I. must be eradicted from the face of the earth, we are obviously being tongue-in-cheek. There's a world of difference between lighting William Friedkin's ass aflame and bulldozing tens of millions of starved corpses into mass graves. Surely even someone of your limited intelligence can see that.

Figo, tired of Morn's cavalier attitude toward death, whether it be of Steef's cat or of six million innocent people.

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Who said anything about Jews?

It's called... an example, don't take it too seriously. By no means am I downgrading the jews or saying that burning AI would be that bad. Just saying it's similar.

When we assert that all copies of A.I. must be eradicted from the face of the earth, we are obviously being tongue-in-cheek

When I say you are a nazi I am being tongue-in-cheek :fouetaa:

Figo, tired of Morn's cavalier attitude toward death, whether it be of Steef's cat or of six million innocent people.

You misinterpreted me! bowdown I tend to be blunt, that doesn't equal apathy or arrogance.

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I should have just ignored you, as I do in my wiser moments.

Fine whatever, you just carry on destroying what you find degenerate bowdown

Morn - Who thinks this whole thread is a travesty

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Thanks Justin B. I can't put the film under the Space Shuttle since I don't live in Florida,

But I can do something along the same lines.

I have a small collection of model rockets. I propose to attach a leader of film to my most powerful rocket. Normally it can reach heights of 3000 ft.,

more than 1/2 a mile. I will launch as much of it as I can. Should make an interesting experiment. I will have to go somewhere where there is a large open field because I have lost to many rockets in the tree's.

I may not exactly blast it into oblivion, but it will do.

Joe, who used to build large models of Japanese warships and then re-enact their destruction. I filmed the destruction of the 3ft Yamato battleship with my Super8 camera.

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Joe, who had a dream that certain MB members(Chris, Alan, tpigeon, KM, and Morn,as I imagined how each of you look )

That's me in my avatar with my lady Massy. :sigh:

The avatar of Morn is the closest thing to a picture of what he actually looks like ever taken without the camera blowing up.

And that's KM in his avatar too. :| Dunno about the others. 8O

-Chris, Starting a new thread....

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