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Sweeping Strings

Movies you did see, but wish you hadn't

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A companion thread to the 'Movies you should see ... ' thread. 

 

I'll kick it off with The Hateful Eight; a story waaaaaay too slight to support its bloated runtime and QT banging on about shooting in 70mm Panavision and then setting most of it in a fucking cabin. Boring, boring, boring.      

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I have a number of movies each year that I give the lowest rating (i.e. 1 star on MUBI). But I'm not sure how interesting it would if I listed all those (I've kept MUBI lists since 2014).

 

By the way, I quite like THE HATEFUL EIGHT. Not his best or anything, but Tarantino never does a bad movie. Incidentally, I'm finally seeing ONCE UPON A TIME IN HOLLYWOOD tonight. Very excited!

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49 minutes ago, Disco Stu said:

Movies I hated enough that they made me angry:

 

Alien Covenant
Good Luck Chuck

Birdman

Where the Wild Things Are

Jurassic World

Hacksaw Ridge

 

I did not like Hacksaw Ridge at all. 

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Mulholland Drive

I Origins

Lost In Translation

Blair Witch Project

L'Avenir

Dunkirk

What Ever Happened To Baby Jane?

The Exorcist

Requiem For A Dream

Spaceballs

 

I also wish that The Force Awakens never happened. I don't recall another visit to the cinema where there was a silence in the car afterwards. It blew my mind, in a negative way, and not only mine.

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That is my #1 worst movie, which took the spot from In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale, the only Uwe Boll movie I’ve seen. I can say I’ve seen one, anyway.

 

The ending of Catherine Breillat’s Fat Girl made me wish I hadn’t watched it. Not like the rest was so amazing.

 

I thought of Divine with dog shit in her mouth in Pink Flamingos but at least that is one of those movies you get bragging rights for watching, like The Room.

 

I don't go out of my way to watch stuff that looks shitty to begin with so there’s not a lot from mainstream Hollywood that I really thought was so terrible I wish I hadn’t even seen it. The Cat in the Hat, maybe, but that is sort of another bragging rights movie. 10,000 B.C. was pretty useless.

 

On a different note, Man Bites Dog is an interesting movie but did make me feel like, ehhhh why did I watch this. It sort of changed my outlook on trying to see everything. I still haven't seen Salo. Not sure I care how great it is.

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51 minutes ago, Disco Stu said:

Movies I hated enough that they made me angry:

 

Alien Covenant
Good Luck Chuck

Birdman

Where the Wild Things Are

Jurassic World

Hacksaw Ridge

Absolutely with you on Good Luck Chuck and WTHTA. They never should have tried to make talentless Dane Cook some kind of film star. And as for the latter, Spike Jonze took a wonderful, imaginative children's book and turned it into a sad, depressing, angry, and off-putting movie involving kids but not for kids.

 

My list also includes that idiotic Travolta scientology propaganda movie that shall go nameless here. And Lion King 2019.

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1 minute ago, Bayesian said:

And as for the latter, Spike Jonze took a wonderful, imaginative children's book and turned it into a sad, depressing, angry, and off-putting movie involving kids but not for kids.

 

It made me so angry when I read reviews that said some variation of "perfectly captures the feeling of being a kid."  No!  It captures some pathetic middle-aged sad dude's idea of what being a kid was like!

 

Just compare it to My Neighbor Totoro, a movie that actually captures the feeling of being a kid.

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3 minutes ago, Disco Stu said:

 

It made me so angry when I read reviews that said some variation of "perfectly captures the feeling of being a kid."  No!  It captures some pathetic middle-aged sad dude's idea of what being a kid was like!

Précisément!

 

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I really enjoyed The Hateful Eight, it was the best and only western farce I've seen. 

 

Birdman I was sort of into, but I have just been reminded that I still need to finish it. Can't be that good then, can it? But it is... 

 

Anyway, I'll nominate another Soderbergh movie (because I agree about Contagion above): Side Effects. The dreary drama cum thriller (if thrillers never got out of first gear) equivalent of dentist's surgery waiting room tension, and about as visually engaging as one of their pamphlets. 

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I’ve seen a ton of movies that met the “meh” standard, and some of you have listed some of them.  Very few movies would I consider a complete waste of time, though.  Here are a select few 

 

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5 hours ago, Bayesian said:

My list also includes that idiotic Travolta scientology propaganda movie that shall go nameless here.

 

I won't name Travolta's movie, but LR Hubbard's thick doorstopper novel entitled Battlefield Earth is a very fun read. 

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I mean, aren't the big movies a bit too obvious though? We could all list Attack of the Clones and Crystal Skull if we wanted to turn this into just another boring retread, but I dunno, some of these other, minor forgettables mentioned above, well they could be quite interesting to talk about. 

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-The third Bayformers movie. Saw it with pop and we walked out after half an hour (something we've never done in the theatre before or since).

 

-Leviathan (1989).

 

-Alien 3

 

That's about it. I've seen plenty of bad movies, of course, but very very few that made enough of an impact for me to be able to remember them in hindsight. 

 

 

 

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  • Detective Pikachu (2019) - A 'made-for-TV' film released in theaters. It's not awful, it just doesn't work as a pokemon film, let alone a 'film'.
  • House of Wax (2005) - Awful, disgusting mess.
  • Jurassic World (2015) - I wish I could see this film in the same light many people I know do, but as a huge Jurassic Park fan this film wasn't just disappointing, it was so transparently clinical and lifeless. A severe lack of creative vision.
  • Justice League (2017) - Cheap, soulless dreck
  • Man of Steel (2013) - Lifeless, soulless dreck. 
  • The Social Network (2010) - Lifeless, soulless dreck.
  • Paranormal Activity (all) - Waste of time. 'Let's subvert the horror genre by making the cliched jumpscare the main attraction'.
  • Annabelle (2014) - blegh.

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I was going to agree with Quintus that big movies are too obvious, but then I realized the only movies I've actively regretted seeing are the same four I always complain about -- The Last Jedi and The Hobbit trilogy. Sure, there are plenty of others I've seen that weren't very good, but none of them have pissed me off like those franchise installments.

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3 hours ago, Harry Irene said:

Batman v Superman, I was gonna say Justice League, sure it's still bad but it has a much more simple plot. Whereas, in Batman v Superman, it made no sense whatsoever.

 

It's about Batman and Superman wanting to kill each other. Not at all complicated!

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Transformers : Revenge Of The Fallen - the first one was kinda better than I'd been expecting, so hey ... why not give the sequel a go?

After 150 minutes of feeling like I'd been screamed at by angry household appliances whilst they also continually slapped me, I had my answer. And I get why Bay would shoot Megan Fox leeringly, but I'd rather not ponder why he also does it with military hardware. 

I see others have mentioned Man Of Steel ... yes indeed. Way to suck all the fun out of Superman (which the film can barely bring itself to call him) Snyder, you absolute dick. 

 

Terminator : Salvation - Bale should've had an onset meltdown during the production of something that was actually worth it, not this dreary-ass crap. 

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Jaws 2 I guess, I got absolutely nothing out of it - based on that watch and the Intrada samples I'm not even interested in the score at all.

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14 hours ago, Sweeping Strings said:

Transformers : Revenge Of The Fallen - the first one was kinda better than I'd been expecting, so hey ... why not give the sequel a go?

After 150 minutes of feeling like I'd been screamed at by angry household appliances whilst they also continually slapped me, I had my answer. And I get why Bay would shoot Megan Fox leeringly, but I'd rather not ponder why he also does it with military hardware. 

I see others have mentioned Man Of Steel ... yes indeed. Way to suck all the fun out of Superman (which the film can barely bring itself to call him) Snyder, you absolute dick. 

 

Terminator : Salvation - Bale should've had an onset meltdown during the production of something that was actually worth it, not this dreary-ass crap. 

 

It's your fault for seeing all three. They all looked like shit and something like Transformers is guaranteed to be trash. It's a children's toy robot movie directed by Michael Bay.

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